Accurate driving has sometimes been a problem for the world’s greatest golfer, Tiger Woods. But on the subject of his Thanksgiving Escalade escapade, when he slammed into a fire hydrant and a neighbor’s tree, Woods has been mum.
In lieu of an explanation, here are Tiger’s top 14 excuses — one for each major championship:
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14. Suddenly realized I was out of red golf shirts.
13. Special 3 a.m. screening of “New Moon.”
12. Haunted by recurring dream — Angel Cabrera in nothing but a green jacket and spike-heeled pumps.
11. Photographer clicked during my downshift.
10. In a hurry to get to Black Friday Midnight Madness at Dick’s Sporting Goods.
9. Had to get Stevie out of a jam at Hooters.
8. Should have changed out of my FootJoys.
7. Never would have happened if I was driving my Buick.
6. Anxious to get to pay phone to make annual crank call to Jack Nicklaus.
5. Everyone back in the house. There’s nothing to see here. This was only a test of the Tiger Woods Emergency Evacuation System. Nice work Elin.
4. Wanted to be first in line for Springsteen tickets.
3. Trying out my G. Lean was a bad idea.
2. Bootie call — son Charlie needed a new pair of shoes.
1. I just knew one of these days I was going to hit that hydrant.
