A LOT OF PERFORMERS disagree with me on this, but I hate it when audiences whoop to show their pleasure. Before the taping of an HBO special years ago, the producer walked out to whip the audience into a frenzy, which he thought was a good thing for a comedy show. “Are you going to get crazy tonight?!” he screamed. Each time they responded, he said it wasn’t crazy enough, and that they had to get wilder and wilder, and actually had them practice howling. I watched from the wings, and when he walked off, he winked at me and said, “Ready?” And I told him not to start just yet. I took the microphone and walked onstage. The people dutifully started screaming like torture victims, but I quieted them down and said, “Please ignore everything the nice man behind the curtain just said. The poor thing wandered in off the street and doesn’t even work here. We’re going to give him a hot meal and send him to a decent motel. Tomorrow he will no doubt be the head of a major studio. But you don’t need to whoop anymore. If something is funny tonight, please laugh, but don’t bark. It will just annoy both of us. If something strikes you as especially funny, maybe you’ll want to clap, but, on the whole, pretend you’re an audience from fifty years ago. I’ll do my best, and then we’ll all get a drink.”
To me, when people whoop it means they aren’t listening, and I like people who listen. Incidentally, the crowd was wonderful that night, and I think I was pretty good, too. But never mind me, I hate whooping no matter who’s onstage.
