“DualPenSports” is a sincerely sad game. There are terrible games that are maddening, because of their makers’ laziness, and terrible games that mystify, because they have something going for them but then sink themselves with inexplicable decisions. Then, rarely, there are terrible games that fail in spite of trying their very best. Considering them as entertainment is like a military recruiter considering the application of a terminally ill child. Your heart goes out to them, you feel sorry for them, but the fact is, they’re unfit for the job.
But it’s not for want of trying. “DualPenSports” is one of those experimental games that would have been at home in the first wave of DS titles. It comes with two styluses, and its sports minigames are meant to be played with one in each hand. The prototype is baseball: Wind up by sliding your left stylus down the left side of the touch screen, and swing by sliding your right stylus up the right side of the touch screen.
The game’s first fatal error may have occurred to you by now: How do you hold the game system during this? Unless you’re willing to glue your 3DS to a table, graft it onto your lap or grow a third arm out of your sternum, there’s no comfortable way to play this game. The best is lying flat on your stomach with the system propped against a pillow or book, but your neck won’t tolerate this very long.
| ‘DualPenSports’ |
| » System: 3DS » Price: $39.99 |
| » Rating: 1 out of 5 stars |
The second fatal error is the sheer sheerness of the games. From basketball to soccer, the controls are almost identical to those for baseball. The sports games last about 20 seconds, and there are only seven of them. “DualPenSports” tries to spice it up with nonsports ambidexterity tests, like one in which your left hand pops balloons while your right hand slices shapes in half. These tests are a nice touch, but each of them is like rubbing your belly while patting your head — do it once, and you’re satisfied forever.
Fatal error No. 3 comes in the form of false competition. Like “Wii Sports,” the game matches you up with competitors based on your skill level. But with the exception of boxing, you’re never actually directly competing with anyone — they’re just names corresponding to scores you have to beat.
As the gaming industry consolidates and homogenizes, it’s nice to see an attempt at something different. But it’s no less sad to see that attempt fail.
