Three stories Wednesday morning out of Trump World on the vice presidential front. The first is CNN reporting that the Trump children want Mike Pence while Big Orange is leaning toward Christie. The second is the New York Times with a quote from Trump where he says that he has five finalists, two of whom nobody knows about. And the third is an NBC report claiming that Trump is going to stage an event on Friday with his VP pick.
It’s pretty clear from all of this that Donald Trump is about to make a huge mistake: Regardless of who he taps as his running mate, it seems as though he’s going to roll out the pick in a totally conventional manner. Which, like his attacks on Judge Curiel and boosterism of Saddam Hussein, would represent a missed opportunity.
What should Trump do? Two words: Reality. Television.
Thursday is historically the night of the week when the largest number of Americans park themselves in front of the TV. Trump should stage a reality special Thursday night where he gathers all five of his potentials veeps together onstage—and then dramatically reveals Who will be moving to Trump Tower! (After this commercial break.)
The only question would be, what format should he use?
Trump could go with The Bachelor’s rose system—moving out of each show block by giving roses to the contestants who will move on until just one public servant is left with a full heart and a broken career. That’s a pretty good gimmick because every elimination round leaves you with a cliffhanger moment between two contestants. Just imagine the tension as Chris Christie and Newt Gingrich stare at one another, sweat beads rolling down their jowls, each desperate for the last remaining token of Mr. Trump’s affection.
Alternately, Trump could eliminate contenders one at a time, Survivor style. In order for this to pay off with the audience, he’d need a dramatic setting for his tribal council and a great catchphrase. Torches and fire would be great, but “You’re fired,” doesn’t really work, since only one of the prospective veeps formally works for Mr. Trump at the moment. “The Trump has spoken,” has a nice ring—giving us both the royal third person and homage to the Great One, Jeff Probst. Though I might go with “We no longer want to hit that,” from MILF Island, which connects on any number of levels.
Both of these variants assume an elimination-style format, but Trump might want an alternative, since eliminations necessarily put the focus on the contestants, rather than the star. In that case, he could stage an hour-long interview with himself and a favored interlocutor—I’m sure Sean Hannity could find the time—and recreate LeBron James’ famous ESPN broadcast, The Decision. In that case, Trump and Hannity could remain on center stage, with the five contenders arrayed in the background around them. Trump could do all the talking—no one in America needs to hear Mike Pence—but the cameras could give us reaction shots as the contestants bask in Trump’s praise and wince at his criticism. In the end, Trump could dramatically invite one of them to come on up and take their talents to Cleveland.
Sure, a Trump VP Selection Show might be crazy and undignified. But at this point, what do any of the folks willing to throw in as his second have to lose? Besides, it’ll be good training for the next four months, since they’ll be dismantling their dignity, in public, on a daily basis.
And the ratings would be amazing. A 40-share, at least. Even 60 million viewers wouldn’t be out of the question. Because whatever you think of Trump, the prospect of seeing four grubby little politicians humiliated on live television would be impossible to resist.
So when Trump stages his boring, establishment, totally conventional rally on Friday it will be just one more opportunity to imagine what might have been.
But hey—this is 2016. We’re used to that.
