The newspaper industry comes in for a lot of criticism, but no one can question our commitment to recycling. For one thing, we publish on paper that is easily repurposed, whether into other paper products, bird cage lining or a rolled up tool to discourage the dog from soiling the hall carpet. Our commitment to recycling is even reflected inside the paper in the range of stories we reprint year after year, with only the names and dates changed. You can often recognize these pieces from their déjà vu-inspiring headlines like “Middle East peace talks break down,” “Congressman denies corruption charge” and “Former child star arrested.”
My favorite frequently recurring story involves the controversy that inevitablyerupts every time a state tourism bureau asks residents to help come up with a new state slogan. Just this past year we’ve seen lengthy campaigns that resulted in new slogans like Indiana’s racing-themed “Restart Your Engines,” Utah’s lofty “Life Elevated,” Pennsylvania’s cryptic “I Brake for Shoo-fly Pie” and Washington’s head scratch-inspiring “Say WA!” So why do states make such a fuss over their slogans? I think it’s simple — because state tourism bureau employees clearly understand that state residents who are arguing over a new slogan are state residents who are not paying attention to all the tax dollars being wasted by the state tourism bureau.
New Jersey’s recent effort was typical. After receiving thousands of entries, officials put five choices out to a statewide vote. The eventual winner was “New Jersey: Come See For Yourself,” which barely beat out challengers like “New Jersey: The Best Kept Secret,” “New Jersey: Expect The Unexpected” and “New Jersey: What The %#$& Are You Lookin’ At?”
Whatever choice they make, states regularly come in for criticism from residents who feel that a new slogan won’t actually do anything to encourage tourism. Truthfully, has anyone ever made vacation travel plans based on a state slogan (“Honey, I know you wanted to go to the Bahamas this year, but that was before I found out that Ohio has ‘So Much To Discover’ “)?
That doesn’t mean slogans are meaningless, however. Why, our nation’s entire cultural identity is built on the foundation of inspiring historical phrases like “Give me liberty or give me death,” “Remember the Alamo,” and “You’re not fully clean until you’re Zest-fully clean.”
New Jersey’s slogan woes only worsened when someone discovered that “Come See For Yourself” had been used previously by other states, including West Virginia. Having abandoned the phrase to avoid potential legal issues, New Jersey currently finds itself adrift and sloganless. Experts estimate that this deficiency may be costing the state dozens of tourist dollars every day. But New Jersey residents need not worry because I have a simple solution.
My suggestion: take a cue from the newspaper business and recycle. Find an old slogan that nobody’s using anymore, preferably one that’s already associated with a celebrity, and redeploy it in service of your state. I guarantee that for a fraction of the amount spent on the old slogan, the Garden State could hire Jimmie “JJ” Walker for a huge multimedia campaign of “New Jersey: It’s Dy-No-Mite!” Or how about Joey Lawrence of “Blossom” on billboards across the country exclaiming “New Jersey: Whoa!” And what prospective tourist could resist the temptation to divine the answer to Gary Coleman’s rhetorical question, “What’choo talkin’ ‘bout, Jersey?”
Not only would New Jersey save precious tax dollars with one or all of these campaigns, but they’d also perform a valuable service by keeping a few of the nation’s former child stars out of the criminal justice system. At least until the next round of Middle East peace talks, anyway.
Examiner columnist Malcolm Fleschner suggests that New Jersey could also go with “New Jersey: Any Exit Will Do.”
