As bids pour in from more than 100 locations clamoring to become Amazon’s second headquarters, we need to address a question nobody is asking: Why isn’t Amazon televising this spectacle?
You might have read that the head of Amazon Studios resigned because of sexual harassment allegations in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein scandal. That’s all the more reason Amazon should convert this business competition into a full-fledged in-house reality TV show.
It’s like what you’d get if you matched CNBC with The Bachelor, or perhaps Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire? It turns out a lot of cities want to pair off with Amazon, the 12th largest company in the country. Ordinarily, decisions on where to build headquarters, offices, and factories are the product of discreet negotiations between companies and local governments.
But Amazon decided on a much more public approach. The Seattle-based online retailer announced last month that it is on the prowl for a second headquarters, one that could eventually be home to 50,000 workers making an average of more than $100,000 a year. It plans to invest more than $5 billion. Cities are swooning. The deadline to apply was Thursday. Cue the reality-show pilot.
First, let’s meet our eligible company, who has many talents and interests. Amazon is 23 years old and enjoys digital media, consumer electronics, and selling things online. And Amazon has a lot of money to spend on its objects of affection, making $2.4 billion in profit last year on $136 billion in sales. In selecting a new headquarters, Amazon says its turn-ons include metro areas with more than 1 million people, areas that can attract and retain tech talent, and communities that “think big and creatively.” Proximity to mass transit, an international airport, and major highways are pluses.
Next, let’s meet our contestants. Some are hoping their characteristics will get them noticed. Minnesota’s governor said it is putting forth a “very professional proposal” touting its airport and workforce. Some, though, are getting catty – like housemates in Big Brother: New Hampshire’s bid says the state offers the “benefits of Boston without all the headaches” such as “congested, decaying roads and overcrowded subways.” Meow!
Like the Bachelor contestant this year who showed up in a shark costume, some cities are going with gimmicks to get noticed. New York City is lighting up the Empire State Building orange. Tucson sent a 21-foot cactus to Amazon’s Seattle headquarters. And a suburb of Atlanta has offered to change the name of a portion of its city to “Amazon” — a move that reeks of desperation. Sad!
Gossip sheets such as Bloomberg News, Moody’s, and Fortune are already predicting who might win. (There is no consensus, although Atlanta; Austin, Texas; Boston; New York; and Washington appear on multiple lists.)
Of course, what nobody really knows is how much the contestants will have to put out to win Amazon’s favor. California’s governor says he’s willing to spend hundreds of millions to consummate the deal, and Chula Vista, Calif., says it would spend $400 million. But the winner in the race to debase itself is Newark, N.J., which is offering $7 billion in tax breaks. Experts have said incentives won’t make or break a city’s bid, but let’s be honest: We all know how this game is played.
Amazon has not said when it expects to make a decision, how public the process might be, or whether it will announce finalists. In other words, Amazon is keeping us all in suspense. Sounds like must-watch TV to me.
