The 11 best zingers from Michelle Wolf’s raunchy White House Correspondents’ dinner routine

Stormy Daniels

Wolf kicked off her comedy monologue with a joke about Stormy Daniels, the porn star who claims to have had an extramarital affair with President Trump more than a decade ago.

“Like a porn star says when she’s about to have sex with a Trump, let’s get this over with,” she said.

Later in the monologue, she returned to the topic of Daniels, whose real name is Stephanie Clifford, poking fun at the fact that Trump’s personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, paid her $130,000 to keep quiet about the alleged affair as part of a nondisclosure agreement.

“I’m a woman, so you cannot shut me up! Unless you have Michael Cohen wire me $130,000. Michael, you can find me on Venmo under my porn star name Reince Priebus,” she said, referring to Trump’s personal lawyer Michael Cohen and Trump’s former chief of staff.

Roy Moore

Wolf told the audience a bit about herself, including by sharing her age. She used Roy Moore as a point of reference, the failed Alabama candidate for U.S. Senate who allegedly dated teenagers when he was in his 30s.

“I’m 32 years old, which is an odd age,” she said. “Ten years too young to host this event and 20 years too old for Roy Moore.”

Liberal media orgasm on Russia collision

Wolf poked fun at the extensive media coverage of special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into possible collusion between the Trump campaign and Russian officials.

“I know there’s a lot of people that want me to talk about Russia and Putin and collusion,” she noted. “But I’m not going to do that, because there’s also a lot of liberal media here, and I’ve never really wanted to know what any of you look like when you orgasm.”

The comment was met with laughter from the room full of journalists before she added, “Except maybe for you, Jake Tapper.” Tapper is a host for CNN.

“Access Hollywood” tape

For the second year in a row, Trump was not present at the correspondents’ dinner. Wolf drew attention to his streak, invoking the infamous 2005 “Access Hollywood” tape in which Trump bragged about celebrities grabbing women between their legs.

“I would drag [Trump] here myself, but it turns out the president of the United States is the one pussy you’re not allowed to grab,” Wolf said, using similar phrasing Trump had.

Trump-Russia collusion and Hillary too

President Trump’s campaign is still under investigation for possible collusion by special counsel Robert Mueller, and Wolf didn’t let him forget it. She also threw in a joke at his 2016 rival Hillary Clinton’s expense for good measure.

“It is kind of crazy the Trump campaign was in contact with Russia when the Hillary campaign wasn’t even in contact with Michigan,” she joked. “This is a great time for craft stores. Because of all the protests, poster board has been flying off the shelves faster than Robert Mueller can say, ‘You’ve been subpoenaed.'”

Trump Cabinet

President Trump’s ever-changing Cabinet didn’t escape comedian Michelle Wolf’s attention during her monologue.

Wolf briefly mentioned Trump’s Cabinet, saying she had to kill all of her jokes about Trump Cabinet members because so many have resigned or been fired.

“I had a lot of jokes about Cabinet members. I had to scrap all of those because everyone was fired,” she quipped.

Paris Agreement

Wolf compared Trump moving to pull the U.S. out of the international Paris climate agreement to a man not ejaculating in a women during sex.

“I think we should give the president credit when he deserves it,” Wolf said. “Like he pulled out of the Paris agreement, and I think he should get credit for that because he said he was going to pull out, and then he did. And that’s a refreshing quality in a man,” she said.

“Morning Joe”

MSNBC co-hosts Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski, who are engaged to be married, got the Wolf treatment.

“I watch ‘Morning Joe’ every morning,” she said. “We now know Mika and Joe are engaged. Congratulations, you guys, it’s like when a #MeToo works out.”

Do-nothing Congress

Congress wasn’t spared from the biting satire, making light of a common complaint about the legislative branch: They never get anything done.

“I’m just here to make jokes, I don’t have an agenda. I don’t expect to get anything done, so members of Congress should feel right at home,” Wolf snarked.

Democrats in trouble in 2018 midterms because they “always find a way to mess it up”

The Democrats as a group were singled out for ridicule, with Wolf calling attention to their performance in Congress and predicted that they may slip and miss a “Blue Wave” in the 2018 midterms, when large gains currently look very likely.

“Democrats are harder to make fun of because you guys don’t do anything,” she said. “People think you might flip the House and Senate this November, but you guys always find a way to mess it up.”

“You’re somehow going to lose by 12 points to a guy named ‘Jeff pedophile Nazi doctor,” Wolf added before fake-swooning, “‘Oh, he’s a doctor?'”

Media brings Trump ‘monster’ to life

Near the end of her performance, Wolf took a swipe at the media’s coverage of the Trump administration, blaming them for creating a “monster.”

“You guys are obsessed with Trump,” she snarked. “Did you used to date him? Because you pretend like you hate him, but I think you love him. I think what no one in this room wants to admit is that Trump has helped all of you.”

Wolf continued by suggesting the media created the Trump “monster” and said they are “profiting off him” with book sales and media coverage.

Watch the full video of the 2018 White House Correspondents Association dinner below: