Men raised in late-20th- and early-21st-century America were systematically conditioned to shun the procreative aspect of sex.
The notion of “safe sex”, drilled into the minds of every teenage boy in health class, framed pregnancy not merely as unfortunate, but dangerous. To be a virtuous man no longer meant to fall in love and remain faithful to a single woman for life — that was the mark of a sucker — but to wear condoms with one’s various partners to avoid the apparent tragedy of unwanted pregnancy and the social stigma of venereal disease.
Untold millions of young men transitioned into adulthood without having encountered the traditional model of virtuous masculinity. Movies, television, and music encouraged sexual usury as a mark of manhood — the more women sexually conquered, the greater the man-cred. Male cultural icons of the 1990s dropped the public facade of gentlemanly restraint that had been apparent in previous decades. Where Frank Sinatra projected elegance and courtly charm that gave his well-known appetites a cool air, celebrity men of the ’90s openly bragged about having a multitude of commitment-free sexual partners. Movies directed at young men, such as the American Pie series, featured plots about young men trying to get laid — nothing more, nothing less.
President Bill Clinton’s affair with an intern, Monica Lewinsky, reinforced the idea that women are mere playthings in the late ’90s. Rapper Eminem captured the effect that the president’s Oval Office exploits had on young men well in his 2000 song Criminal: “My morals went (pft) when the president got oral sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk off of his own employee.” A Republican speaker of the House led the charge condemning Clinton’s “immoral” conduct as well as the impeachment proceedings, but he, too, had been carrying on an affair during the period.
The dawn of ubiquitous internet pornography in the 2000s supercharged this conditioning, transforming male sexual activity into a sad and solitary affair, decoupled not only from procreation but from women entirely. Achieving modest sexual satisfaction no longer required the laborious act of manipulating real women into bed, but only scrolling through seedy websites. This deepened the perception in the male psyche that women were sexual objects to be used and discarded.
Marriage rates, already falling for decades, plummeted to new lows in the first quarter of the century. The fertility rate fell along with it, reaching a record low of around 1.6 births per woman in 2024. Meanwhile, the total number of abortions continues to rise even in the years following the fall of Roe v. Wade.
Too often, sole blame for this unfortunate state of affairs known as the “culture of death” is laid at the feet of women. The problem, we are told, is those insufferable girl bosses who are more invested in career advancement than in family rearing, in “empowerment” than in motherhood.
There’s truth in it, to be sure. But these critiques too often completely ignore the role of men in cultivating the culture of death. After all, and despite liberal claims to the contrary, pregnancies require both a man and a woman. And a woman often turns to abortion only after a man has abandoned them, or when she doesn’t trust that a man is capable of leading a family.
It is women who ultimately choose abortion. But it is unvirtuous men, brought up in a porn-drenched and self-centered culture that detaches sex from its ultimate aim of procreation, who often make them feel as if they have no other choice. Cultivating a culture of life is the responsibility of both women and men.
What does taking responsibility for the “culture of death” entail for men?
For fathers who came of age in the sexual revolution, which means all of us, it entails raising our sons in a different way than our generation was raised. And yes, that means limiting access to sexually toxic content, which means limiting access to technology until they are properly formed and capable of handling it. It means emphasizing that women are never to be used as a means to an end, but only as ends in themselves, that they are to treat the women they encounter the way they would hope their mothers and sisters would be treated.
THE CAUSE OF LIFE CONTINUES AFTER ROE
It also entails rolling up our sleeves and opening our wallets to support local charities and crisis pregnancy centers that assist single pregnant women. Abortion reflects the failure of communities, not simply fathers and mothers. If a woman in a tough spot feels as if she won’t be helped and turns to abortion, that’s a failure we all have a hand in, especially the men who are called to lead not only families, but communities.
A culture of life is possible — don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. But it begins in the hearts of men. It is our responsibility to build it.
