Keep it Moving, No Islamists to See Here

Last night, during one of the most widespread, bloodiest terror attacks in European history, it was Dean Obeidallah’s turn. For those unfamiliar with the social-justice comic (a self-cancelling proposition), Daily Beast columnist, and American-Muslim host of XM’s The Dean Obeidallah Show, there, I’ve just familiarized you. His overriding mission, however, is spreading the gospel of the Religion of Peace ®, to combat those who unfairly stereotype Islam as being the Religion of Pieces.   

 “I want to be your Muslim friend,” Obeidallah’s written, “so if you don’t have one, follow me on Twitter.”

Since I’m not on Twitter, I couldn’t make new friends with Obeidallah. But as the death toll in Paris kept climbing, I could read his feed. Which was not unlike watching a mental breakdown unspool in real time. Obeidallah started innocuously enough, keeping the victims in his prayers. 

But when writer Ben Shapiro mentioned that President Obama made no mention of the Islamic orientation of the terrorists during his statement – Allah forbid we’d “other” anyone after they’d just committed mass, cold-blooded murder – Obeidallah vacated his prayer rug to start the trolling.

He was concerned, it seemed, by people who were overly concerned about the who-dunnit instead of what-had-been-done, also known as blaming the victimizers. In response to Shapiro, he retweeted Harold Cook, a self-described “progressive Texan in a bad mood” and a “stuff pointer-outer.”

Obeidallah didn’t want little moppet punks like Shapiro telling him who had done what, and in whose name.  He wanted time to tell him. Here, let him tell it:

I can’t be certain what news sources Obeidallah was reading at this point. There are so many out there. Why, if Islamic terrorists were responsible for the killing, you’d think that the Council on American-Islamic Relations would be up to speed. But checking their Twitter feed last night,  even long after the attacks had commenced, they were still celebrating “World Kindness Day.”

Not to mention, MSNBC host/Rachel-Maddow-impersonator Chris Hayes seemed to think that the terrorists were most interested in targeting Paris’s young progressives. (First they come for our hipsters……).

Besides which, #MuslimsAreNotTerrorist was trending on Twitter!

But while Obeidallah was waiting for time to tell him, Daily Caller writer Derek Hunter was rude enough to point out that we’d already sorta been told.  Aside from news reports of claims of responsibility from ISIS, heretofore not known for their ecumenism (they give the game away right in the name), there were little tells, like the gunmen yelling “Allahu Akhbar” before pumping the room full of lead.

This was a bit much for Obeidallah, who was done with his mourning period, and with waiting for time to tell him what to say next.

But right after accusing Hunter and “his right wing piece of shit publication,” for not waiting for all the facts, turns out:

He tweeted “TERRORISM HAS NO RELIGION” three more times, in all caps, of course. Maybe he was trying to make it trend, as the victims would’ve wanted.

Since after a week of nationwide protests, I’ve heard the cries of our college students about systemic injustice, I’ll skip the rest of his tweets (though there’s lots, lots more),  since I don’t want to use my relative position of privilege as a non Islamo-terror apologist to brain-shame Obeidallah, who spent the rest of the night foaming at the mouth and baying at the moon, as well as at all his right-wing bogeymen, from gun nuts to David Horowitz to Ann Coulter. Why?  Because time – that fickle bitch – might not have told him why terrorists did what they did. But apparently, ISIS did. Maybe they DM’ed him on Twitter. It was revenge! Don’t let silly “labels” like the “Islamic State” fool you, it had nothing to do with Islam!

There have been all kinds of claims that Twitter abbreviates the attention span, and I have to admit, it did mine. While I’m not immune to the charms of watching train wrecks, Obeidallah’s shtick grew tiresome.  So I pushed off for his website. There, at the top of his deanofcomedy.com page, over announcements for the “Muslim Funny Fest” stand-up festival and his The Muslims Are Coming documentary,  Obeidallah was pictured  literally sitting on top of the world in red polka-dot pants and oversized clown shoes (he’s a comedian, see).  It kind of made me wish he’d have cross-posted the photo to his Twitter page.

At least he was dressed appropriately.