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South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, whose clandestine trip to Argentina, and revelation of an adulterous affair have sparked Republican colleagues to call for his resignation, may have already found a second career as spokesman for eHarmony.com, the matchmaking site.
The governor, who refers to the object of his extramarital affections as his ‘soulmate’, seems a logical choice for eHarmony.
“I have heard their ads on radio for years,” Sanford said, during a seven-hour rambling interview with the Associated Press. “When Dr. Neil Clark Warren talked about finding my soulmate, I realized that even though I already had a wife and kids, I may have missed that one person who fits me along 29 dimensions of compatibility.”
The governor said that, even though he’s focused on trying to “fall back in love” with his wife and governing the state while maintaining his “tragic” love story with another married woman, he would like to help other men who have “inadvertently failed to marry their soulmate on the first try.”
“How can you know that the one you have married is the one?” he asked a reporter. “That’s why, over the years, I have persistently sought out other women on five continents, dancing with them and crossing lines of physical intimacy, in an effort to locate that needle in a haystack, the one woman among three billion that makes the perfect match for me.”
The governor said critics who “monotonously bring up my so-called duty to my wife, my boys, my state or my party, have never experienced true love.”
“The kind of love I have with my soulmate is not the messy, sacrificial, hard work, faithful devotion to the exclusion of all others kind that so many men get trapped in,” he said. “The true love of which I speak is the kind that makes a principled man question the practicality of his own morality, and toss caution to the wind in pursuit of the higher goal of finding life’s meaning in the thrill of forbidden romance.”
Examiner columnist Scott Ott is editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, the family-friendly news satire site, and anchor of ScrappleFace Network News, seen on YouTube.
