The “shocking” result on “American Idol” last week was that no one was eliminated.
Pardon me if I’m not blown away.
Rule No. 1 in the Shock-Factor Handbook: Don’t advertise it. You might as well have told moviegoers (before seeing the film) that Bruce Willis comes to a startling realization at the end of “The Sixth Sense.” Suddenly, everyone’s sniffing for secrets.
Rule No. 2: Under-promise, over-produce. Huge hype with little reward (like every Super Bowl, it seems) only works in finales — viewers have an entire offseason to forget how they were duped. The boy who cried wolf always loses folks in the following week’s episode.
If “Idol” did anything last week, it reminded people who’s boss. This week, maybe they’ll kick off four people. Or maybe they’ll add two back on. Or maybe Ryan Seacrest will announce that he and Simon will now arm-wrestle for their favorites each week. Who knows? Point is: Anything can happen (within reason). And that’s the way we like it.
In honor of this week’s opening of “Spider-Man 3” — a super flick, FYI — let’s have a spidey theme for this week’s entry:
Melinda Doolittle, 29
» Brentwood, Tenn.
Last week: “There Will Come a Day” Grade: B+
Black widow or itsy bitsy: Itsy bitsy. Cute and friendly, Melinda is the kind of popular superstar who could get nursery rhymes and cuddly plush animals created after her.
Turn up or tune out? The phrase often kicked around following Melinda’s performances is “master class.” She’s got skills, yo. Turn up.
Vegas says: 6/5 (Courtesy Bodog.com) Scott’s predicted finish: 1
Jordin Sparks, 17
» Glendale, Ariz.
Last week: “You’ll Never Walk Alone” Grade: B+
Black widow or itsy bitsy: Black widow. Kill it kill it quickly!
Turn up or tune out? Overrated, thy name is Jordin. She’s had some OK showings, but overall I’m not in agreement with the verbal flowers the judges are tossing on this “Idol” bridesmaid. LaKisha could sing circles around her. Tune out.
Vegas says: 1/1 Scott’s predicted finish: 2
Blake Lewis, 25
» Bothell, Wash.
Last week: “Imagine” Grade: B
Black widow or itsy bitsy: Black widow. Blake looks harmless enough, but keep your distance. There’s fight in this wild card; he can’t be overlooked just yet.
Turn up or tune out? During the time to shine, Blake is not shining. He no longer has the ability to coast through on his unique appeal. Turn up.
Vegas says: 9/2 Scott’s predicted finish: 3
Phil Stacey, 29
» Jacksonville, Fla.
Last week: “The Change” Grade: B+
Black widow or itsy bitsy: Itsy bitsy. He’s crawling up the waterspout; it’s getting harder to wish for the water to wash this spider out.
Turn up or tune out? Week after week, Baldy McDoofus gets skewered in this column space. And week after week, McDoofus keeps getting better. I’m starting to like him now. … Help me, Lord, I’m so very confused. Tune out.
Vegas says: 45/1 Scott’s predicted finish: 4
Chris Richardson, 22
» Chesapeake, Va.
Last week: “Change the World” Grade: B+
Black widow or itsy bitsy: Itsy bitsy. He’s harmless: There’s no chance Chris is going to win this thing.
Turn up or tune out? Sometimes you can eat fajitas only so many times before they lose their yumminess. This Scott Fuller favorite may have danced his last tango. I hope he’ll fight another round. Turn up.
Vegas says: 32/1 Scott’s predicted finish: Eliminated this week.
LaKisha Jones,27
» Fort Meade, Md.
Last week: “I Believe” Grade: B
Black widow or itsy bitsy: Black widow. LaKisha has the musical venom to strike down her lesser foes. But she isn’t scaring anyone anymore.
Turn up or tune out? LaKisha’s performances have gotten Boring with a capital “B.” I need more personality; I need more charisma; I need more unpredictability; I need another contestant, unfortunately.
Vegas says: 12/1 Scott’s predicted finish: Eliminated this week.
Each week, Scott Fuller breaks down the sinkers and swimmers on “American Idol.” Sound off: [email protected].
