Instead of panicking, the driver, 92-year-old Charles Pierce, calmly got out of the sedan, climbed through the debris and made sure the customers were OK.

Then he ordered breakfast.

“He come out of his car, no problem,” cafe owner Marino Singalas told Orlando TV station WESH. “He sat down at the table, has his breakfast, and God bless America, beautiful.”

The crash caused $25,000 in damage. After breakfast, Pierce was cited for careless driving.

Uncivil war

A Civil War re-enactment of the Battle of Stanardsville in Virginia ended in a courtroom skirmish after the Union and Confederate commander pressed assault charges against each other.

The commander in blue, Joseph Ferguson, said he suffered facial injuries when his Confederate counterpart fired his weapon too close to his head. Doug Nalls claimed that he fired his revolver after his counterpart knocked his hat off.

This battle ended in a draw. The Virginia judge could not find either man guilty.

Said an unhappy Ferguson: “The feud on the battlefield goes on.”

Bigfoot vs. Big Gov’t A New Hampshire man who dressed as Bigfoot was unhappy after he was kicked out of a state park.

Jonathan Doyle, who dressed as Sasquatch, said he was filming an absurdist video when a Mount Monadnock park ranger stopped him because he didn’t have a permit. “Bigfoot” then filed a complaint, saying his free-speech rights were being trampled on.

The complaint has been forwarded to the state attorney general.

Don’t tase me, bro

A Florida man used a baby as a human shield to keep police from tasing him.

Volusia County sheriff’s deputies tried to arrest Jorge Garcia at a rowdy New Year’s Day party, but said he grabbed a baby from inside a car and held it up.

“Tase the baby,” Garcia reportedly yelled.

The baby was safely removed. Garcia was charged with child neglect and resisting an officer without violence.

— Compiled by Scott McCabe