The sentiment behind Mother’s Day is nice, but the day itself is overrated. I say this as mother of four who loves being a mom and who dearly loves my own. What was meant as a day to honor parenthood has turned into something as commercialized as Valentine’s Day with only half the fun as St. Patrick’s Day. If you really want to honor the mom in your life, do so year-round, with small but meaningful gestures, not one calendar day chosen by society.
A woman named Anna Jarvis came up with the idea of a day to honor mothers. She wanted to honor her own mother, who had cared for wounded soldiers during the Civil War. In 1914, Congress recognized the holiday as an official day.
Just a few short years later, Jarvis became overwhelmed and disappointed by the way people were already commercializing the holiday she founded in her mother’s name. In a press release, she wrote that florists and Hallmark-folks were “charlatans, bandits, pirates, racketeers, kidnappers and termites that would undermine with their greed one of the finest, noblest and truest movements and celebrations.” Ironically, the Mother of Mother’s Day spent the rest of her days trying to abolish the holiday she thought misrepresented moms. If she saw what it has become—it reeks of commercialization—she wouldn’t be any more thrilled.
“Can’t Buy Me Love” isn’t just a catchy song, but this year it’s purported Mother’s Day spending will reach a record $23.6 billion. That’s a lot of flowers and chocolate. Of course it’s a well-meaning gesture, but can a dozen red roses, at $30 a pop, come close to recognizing the 24/7 job that requires moms to be therapist, doctor, counselor, teacher, chauffeur, chef and more?
Forbes once calculated a “stay at home” mom would make a $115,000 salary if she were paid. That’s to say nothing of the moms who work in and outside the home. Motherhood as a calling is too large for one day, just as fatherhood is too.
Not only is the cost-benefit ratio of the holiday distorted, but many men feel it’s a setup bound for failure due to the pressure society has put on the holiday. Of the mothers in their lives they wonder: Does she want flowers? A day with the kids to honor her motherhood? A day without them to get a break? Does he take his own mother out to lunch, or make a nice meal for the mother of his children — or God forbid, somehow, both?
If “Hallmark” holidays are important, it’s best for both women and men to have a frank discussion about expectations so the pressure is relieved. Some moms I know do want a day at the spa, or an outing with the kids, in addition to breakfast in bed and roses. There’s nothing wrong with pampering someone who’s bent over backwards for all the little people in her life.
But most moms I know would rather their children, their spouse, or other loved ones in their lives recognize the all-encompassing, all-consuming job that motherhood requires them to embrace in small ways throughout the year.
Recently after a particularly long day, I went to bed and noticed my 7 year-old had placed a tiny note on my pillow. Scrawled in her handwriting were the words, “I love you Mama.” A hug from my son or a text from my husband thanking me for taking care of the kids—especially if both occur regularly — mean more than a Mother’s Day brunch that costs $150.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with Mother’s Day — it’s well-meaning. But compared to the overwhelming and wonderful task of motherhood, often the expectations and cost seem overpowering even as the concept of the holiday seems almost diminutive. Give the mother in your life flowers, brunch, or jewelry on Sunday if she so desires. But if you really want to honor her, do the same in July, September and December too.
Nicole Russell is a contributor to the Washington Examiner’s Beltway Confidential blog. [BIO] If you would like to write an op-ed for the Washington Examiner, please read our guidelines on submissions here.
