BALLAD OF THE BLACK BERETS When Army chief of staff Eric Shinseki announced last October that he’d be appropriating the black berets of the elite Army Rangers in order to give them away as feel-good hats to the rest of the Army, he said it was symbolic. Not of the Peter Principle, as one might suspect, but of the transformation of the Army into a lighter, more deployable fighting force, one that could more readily respond to crises (a skill at which Shinseki himself has subsequently proved deficient). Two months after it was revealed that Shinseki’s beret-conversion deadline had forced the Defense Logistics Agency to help fill the 4.7 million beret order by contracting with companies who manufactured them in China (in violation of a buy-America amendment), and a full month after the Chinese bumped our surveillance plane and took 24 Americans hostage, Shinseki has finally called off the made-in-China portion of his order. A Pentagon spokesman admitted at a news conference that the black berets are “a very symbolic measure of the new Army…and to [Shinseki], the symbolism of such a beret was inconsistent with the berets’ being … manufactured in China.” To which The Scrapbook can only add: “Duhhh.” Shinseki’s decision would have been more welcome before 2.2 million berets had already been manufactured by Chinese manufacturers (new ones will have to be made). Meanwhile, the “rites of passage test” — the Army-history pop quiz that the brass told soldiers they would have to take in order to wear the Rangers’ beret, which the Rangers typically earned through a grueling year-long training regimen — has been scrapped. But if all you Old Army soldiers are dispirited, take heart. Things could be worse. You could be British. In the land of marmite, it was recently revealed, members of the British Army and Royal Air Force are being given free sex-change operations. Likewise, the Ministry of Defence, as a morale-boosting mechanism, has been providing female soldiers with free breast implants, leading to our favorite headline of the year, from the Nelson Mail: “Falling Into a Big Booby Trap.” After suffering embarrassment in communal showers, which is surely akin to the fear one must face under fire, one lance corporal traded up from 32A to 32C. And after even more dramatic surgery, Sergeant-Major Joe Rushton, formerly of the men’s room, has become Joanne Rushton, proudly parading in a woman’s uniform. With all these soldiers shot full of self-esteem from black berets and big breasts, now might be the time to launch a new, elite NATO regiment: The Fighting Monicas. _ SUDAN IN, AMERICA OUT Until last Thursday, the United States had held a seat on the U.N. Human Rights Commission every year since the group was originally constituted in 1947. Much too long, concluded the U.N.’s European member nations, irritated as always with America for being bigger, richer, freer, and otherwise better. So our “allies” unceremoniously voted us off the “Western” slate of candidates for next year’s Human Rights Commission — in favor of delegates from Sweden (a decades-long government program of racial sterilization), Austria (J rg Haider), and France (take your pick). Last week’s big winner in the human rights bazaar? Sudan, which despite being generally acknowledged as the world’s worst current human rights violator (see Elliott Abrams’s account in our May 7 issue), won itself a seat on the same commission from which the United States has now been unceremoniously booted. One more piece of evidence, were any necessary, that the United Nations is pretty worthless. And that the United States should never have felt guilty about withholding our “dues.” WASHED OUT Apparently not content with having ruined the American toilets that were once the envy of the world (the abundant 3.5 gallons per flush became a paltry, federally mandated 1.6 gallons), the Department of Energy is now taking aim at our washing machines. As Competitive Enterprise Institute analyst Ben Lieberman warned in these pages last fall, one of the last acts of the outgoing administration was to promulgate a new set of minimum efficiency standards for clothes washers to take effect in 2004 and 2007, raising efficiency by 22 percent and 35 percent respectively. This may sound nice, but as Lieberman pointed out, the only way the consumer comes out ahead financially with the new machines is if he does 392 loads a year and owns the machine for 14 years. Alas, rather than invite yet another “environmental” controversy, the Bush White House has acquiesced in these Clinton-era regulations. A few high-end clothes washers (usually front-loading ones) already meet the new energy standards, but fewer than 9 percent of consumers have chosen them — perhaps because they run anywhere from $700 to $1,100, according to Consumer Reports. That would seem to be a problem, no? Well, as one manufacturer has commented, “Selling it in the marketplace is easy if there is a standard in place. It’s not a matter, necessarily, of consumer acceptance.” Don’t expect the appliance makers to complain about intrusive federal regulation. Indeed, the deal may get even sweeter for them. Bills have been introduced in the House and Senate to set up tax credits for manufacturers whose washing machines meet the new standards before the 2004 and 2007 deadlines. This way, even if consumers balk at buying the new models, the companies still get paid. Please, no jokes about spin. That will only get us more agitated. INDIANA VS. BEIJING Apparently not realizing that they were supposed to call the State Department for permission, both houses of the Indiana General Assembly have now unanimously approved a bill prohibiting state agencies from procuring products manufactured by slave labor. House Bill 1395, according to its author, state representative Jim Atterholt, Republican of Indianapolis, will have general application but is designed with the People’s Republic of China in mind. According to exiled dissident Harry Wu’s Laogai Research Foundation, China maintains a population of between four and six million prisoners in roughly 1,000 slave labor camps. Factories based at those camps produce everything from heavy trucks to children’s toys — while depriving their “employees” of food and sleep; confining them in leg irons; beating them with clubs; torturing them with electric cattle prods; and harvesting their organs for the international medical black market. In the United States, importation of products from China’s laogai camps is forbidden under a memorandum of understanding both countries ostensibly observe. But China doesn’t observe this agreement, and the U.S. Customs Service has neither the latitude nor the resources to ensure that such unusually horrible contraband doesn’t slip through our ports. The state of Indiana, at least, seems determined to keep its hands clean of Chinese barbarism. Three cheers for Rep. Atterholt and his Hoosier colleagues. May 14, 2001; Volume 6, Number 33
