Earlier this week, the NHL announced its plans to tweak the All-Star Game, essentially turning it into a shinny. Conference designations and nationalities will be forgotten. The players — selected both by the fans and the league — will choose two captains (and if they’re not Sidney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin, then it’s a sham), and the two captains will pick teams.
So here at The Washington Examiner, we thought the idea of a pickup All-Star Game would translate just as well — if not better — to the NBA. Here’s how we imagine it would go:
The scene: Staples Center. The players select Kobe Bryant and LeBron James as captains.
Bryant: First pick goes to the home team. Hmmm … I would take ‘Melo here, but my wife won’t let me talk to anyone from Colorado anymore. So I gotta go with Dwight Howard because I know he’s gonna lock up Team John Dillinger.
James: Thanks for following me on Twitter. I think the major factor and the major reason in my decision was the best opportunity for me to win and to win now and to win into the future also …
Gilbert Arenas (watching from the stands): Dude, it’s an All-Star Game, not an ESPN special. Just pick one.
James: Fine. This is very tough. In this game, I’m going to take the talents of South Beach and pick my man D-Wade. Sorry, Chris, he’s better than you. (Chris Bosh shrugs.)
Bryant: Dwight says he would take this guy over LeBron, so we want Captain America, Kevin Durant.
James: It’s not about individuals. It’s about a team, and that’s what this game is about. I’m going to take the talents of “Tall Justice” C-Bosh.
Bryant: It’s not funny, so that video needs to die. Chris Paul.
Ama’re Stoudemire: What about me?
James: You play for the Knicks, so you’re no longer relevant. This next one was a tough decision because I know how loyal I am. Zydrunas Ilgauskas.
Bryant: He’s not even an All-Star. Pau Gasol.
James: Yeah, but Z follows me around everywhere I go. Carlos Arroyo.
Bryant: That lineup looks … familiar.
James: Whatever. My mom said she felt it was going to make me happy.
