Millennials are suddenly interested experts in behaviors and appropriate rules of married couples. An article ran yesterday in the Washington Post and highlighted a statement from Pence in 2002 where he told The Hill that “he never eats alone with a woman other than his wife and that he won’t attend events featuring alcohol without her by his side, either.”
Liberals freaked out about gender in the workplace, mocked Pence’s so-called “lack of trust,” and claimed (without evidence) this proves he won’t hire women to key positions. Millennials were quick to jump into the fray and offer their opinions on socially appropriate behavior for married couples. Just look at Matt Walsh’s feed over the past 24 hours.
As T. Becket Adams tweeted in response to the outrage, “Please, unmarried, childless 30-something-year-old, tell me more about your theories of appropriate marital boundaries. This is fascinating.”
This isn’t the first time millennials are accused of being self-professed know-it-alls or nearly the first time we’ve offered opinions without any experience or expertise on the matter. Whether the generalization of brashness is fair or not, I agree with Adams that millennials’ perspective on marriage is fascinating. It’s also very revealing of a root problem with our culture: we are a generation that lacks conservatism in almost every other area outside politics, so this inconsistency inevitably spills over into our political policy views on social issues such as marriage and family.
Those bashing or simply offering marriage advice to Pence are missing the value of conservative thought beyond politics. Conservatism isn’t just a political system or being stuck in “traditional” values. Being conservative in areas of life beyond politics is being self-restrained and disciplined. Being cautious, advised, and discreet. (Do millennials even use the word discreet anymore?)
My parents have been married almost 42 years and have a long-standing rule that whenever they disagree on a big financial decision (like the purchase of a new car, investments, etc.), they will do the “most conservative” thing until they are both in agreement otherwise. What does this mean? It means that if one person wants to buy the car or go on the vacation and the other thinks they shouldn’t spend the money, then they don’t spend the money. This decision isn’t a matter of politics, trust, religion, or anything but a matter of being circumspectly conservative.
Being truly conservative is much more than just our politics. The Pences’ rule for their marriage is conservative. Valuing all human life is conservative. Personal economic restraint is conservative. Judicial restraint is conservative. Self-restrained freedom is conservative. United’s dress policy for employee travelers is conservative. Limited government is conservative. Driving within the speed limits is conservative.
Discernment, discretion, caution, and considering that maybe, just maybe, one person doesn’t actually know everything was common sense for my parents’ generation and their parents generation. Now that millennials can google everything and live in this Information Age, we think we have all the answers at our fingertips. But we’re missing three key elements: experience, analysis, and humility.
This became starkly self-evident in the overreaction to Pence’s self-restraint in marriage. Millennials don’t understand why a married person wouldn’t go out drinking alone with a person of the opposite sex because we fail to understand the value of conservatism: the value of personal discipline and recognition we aren’t omniscient. We are a wildly unrestrained generation.
I’m reminded of the words John Adams wrote to the Massachusetts militia in October of 1798:
Adams wasn’t speaking of conservatism in civil government only, but self-government that extends to all facets of life. His contention, as all the Founders recognized, was that it is human nature to be wildly unrestrained and given to, as he put it, unbridled passions. Liberty and freedom only truly exist when we ourselves choose to be conservative. Self-restraint in the smallest ways, like that of the Pences, my parents, and older generations that value circumspect maturity are the most effective and, not surprisingly, the most conservative.
This isn’t a matter of a “generational difference.” It’s a lack of conservatism. Millennials (myself included) should value and embrace full, circumspect conservatism and the experience and example displayed by the uncommon grace and humility Mike Pence shows in his own self-restrained conservatism. Let’s be consistent conservatives.
