A gay, polyamorous throuple is set to release a new book in March detailing their journey of making history by becoming the first family to list three parents on a birth certificate.
“The fact that Piper has three parents is just not a big deal. I have three parents myself — my mother, father, and stepmother — and no one thinks anything of it,” said Dr. Ian Jenkins, one of the parents and the author of the book. “Some people seem to think it’s about a ton of sex or something, or we’re unstable and must do crazy things. [But] it’s really remarkably ordinary and domestic in our house and definitely not Tiger King.”
The book details the saga of Jenkins and his two partners, Jeremy Hodges and Dr. Alan Mayfield, to become parents and the legal battles that took place as a result of their decision.
Jenkins and Mayfield originally met in Boston, with Hodges joining the picture later, first as a friend and then as an additional romantic partner. After five years of the three being together, the group decided to consider adding to their family with children.
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That’s when a friend, Delilah, offered up her services as a surrogate. The process was complicated and expensive, with the trio spending $120,000 over the next year on legal fees and a process to adopt an embryo so that each man had equal parenting rights.
“Gay couples don’t stumble into parenthood by accident. It’s always a deliberate act and a complicated one,” Jenkins said.
One of Delilah’s embryos wasn’t viable, while another didn’t properly implant, forcing the trio to start the entire process all over. A friend by the name of Meghan then stepped up to donate her eggs to the cause.
“We had to have contracts between each man and each woman. Then, when another cycle got planned, we realized the contracts had to be redone. Of course, redoing them means $500 an hour in fees,” Jenkins said of the process. “And the requirement is to pay four lawyers [one to represent each father, plus one for the surrogate] to craft a parenting agreement, which no straight couple has probably ever been asked to sign.”
The trio also faced issues with uncertain doctors. Same-sex patients aren’t the norm in the industry, and even donating sperm became an issue because much of the visual material offered to assist was aimed at heterosexual men.
The men eventually overcame all of the legal and medical hurdles, learning they were awarded the right to have a “poly birth certificate” shortly before Piper was born.
“Had we not … one of us three parents would be a legal nobody to the kids,” Jenkins said. “No right to visitation if we split up. No ability to consent for medical care. No say in decisions. No legal responsibilities. No automatic inheritance. This would have been really risky for the family.”
Now 3 years old, Piper boasts to her preschool friends about her extra parent.
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“You have two parents. I have three parents,” she once told a classmate.
The book, Three Dads and a Baby, is due out March 9.
