The fireplace holds a special place. “Hearth” is a synecdoche for “home.” Fireside chats were how President Franklin Roosevelt made the nation feel safe during our darkest times. The fireplace symbolizes the Christmas season. Campfires symbolize America’s frontier, summer camp, and healthy, wholesome family fun.
But wood fires are next on the cancellation list.
“Wood smoke is 12 times more carcinogenic than tobacco smoke,” explained a crusading Californian at a recent La Jolla Town Council meeting. Asthma, pollution, and eye irritation are all caused by logs, they say.
And these days being these days, it’s a matter of mere moments from when a thing is declared bad until it is declared illegal. Sure enough, La Jolla has now banned burning logs on its beaches.
California is very cold at night. Fires on the beach are a venerable custom for date nights, for family gatherings, for community get-togethers, for simply hanging out. Beach fireplaces will still be allowed in La Jolla — as long as you own a portable propane fireplace and drag it out to the sand.
Many places impose burn bans in dry seasons, sensibly, to prevent forest fires. But the coming war on wood will not be fought on those grounds. It doesn’t matter how low the fire risk gets in a given place; simply burning firewood will be reviled until it’s illegal.
Retailers will face pressure to stop selling fire pits. Homebuilders will be told to scrap the fireplace, and someone will organize a boycott of any reality show in which homebuyers value a hearth in their home. Soon, the New York Times, Vogue, and CNN will be jostling one another to give you the biggest feature on how to turn your immoral fireplace into something more socially acceptable.
So, this summer, buy the marshmallows and hot dogs, and enjoy the campfire while you can.
