Tuesday Morning Quarterback: Let’s Hope the Eagles-Patriots Super Bowl Doesn’t Go to Overtime, Too

Considering only the contests that count—preseason games in the pros are inconsequential, as are spring games in college—each year has 23 weeks with football compared to 29 weeks without it. So savor the upcoming curtain call of this eventful season, and hope both contenders, the Eagles and Patriots, honor sports lore by saving the best for last.

My old boss Charlie Peters, founder of Washington Monthly, used to say that every true sports fan wants the game to go into overtime. But I don’t want this Super Bowl to go into overtime: NFL extra-quarter standards are too fouled up.

If the score is tied at the end of regulation, just let a coin flip determine the league champion. After all, that’s what the NFL did last year.

Because the Patriots comeback/Falcons collapse crowded out other commentary on last year’s finale, missed was that it was the first Super Bowl to go into overtime—and it ended without Atlanta having a chance to possess the ball. For all the crazed events during that contest, in the end the most significant was that New England won the overtime coin toss. The Patriots drove for a touchdown and that was the conclusion of the season—Atlanta never got a possession. In college and high school, this would not have happened. Team A gets the ball first, then Team B gets its opportunity.

Sure, professional sports is a Darwinian environment. But college and high school are right, and the NFL is wrong: Overtime should guarantee at least one possession to each team. Deciding the Super Bowl winner based on a coin toss isn’t right. And that is setting aside whether New England won the toss on sheer chance or Bill Belichick somehow slipped a rigged coin to the referee.

An aside: At this juncture perhaps two-thirds of football fans are thinking, “I bet they used a rigged coin.” Fair to New England or not, the perception that the Patriots are favored by the league has emerged as a factor in declining NFL popularity.

Until 2012, the NFL overtime format was regular game rules and first-score-wins. (“Sudden death,” a creepy term even for those who like Mort Subite; TMQ preferred “sudden victory.”) First-score-wins was widely perceived as unfair to the team that loses the overtime coin toss, since a decent kickoff return followed by two short passes would position the toss winner for a field goal and triumph, without the opponent ever having a chance.

So the new, totally incomprehensible overtime standard was devised. The easy-to-remember 1,155-word new format basically specifies that each team must have at least one possession—unless not.

The new overtime format has weird quirks about onside kicks and highly improbable safeties (“if the team kicking off to start the overtime period scores a safety on the receiving team’s initial possession …”) and penalties during turnovers (“in certain situations the second team cannot decline the penalty and accept the result of the play, no matter how beneficial, because it would create a second possession for itself”). My favorite is a super-quirky rule about whether the toss-winning team can defer to the eighth quarter (fourth overtime) if the game goes into a seventh quarter (third overtime). Presumably, this would matter only to a Super Bowl being played in Macau during the monsoon. But if there’s some way to make a third-overtime deferral work to your advantage, Belichick aide Ernie Adams will be the one who figures it out.

Regardless of the rule quirks, the fundamental flaw of the new format is that like the old format, the coin-toss winner can get a walk-off touchdown without the toss loser ever having a possession. This not only happened in last year’s Super Bowl. There have been seven postseason overtimes under the new format, and in three—last year’s Super Bowl, plus two Green Bay Packers losses in 2015 and 2016—the toss loser never got a possession.

The impetus for the incomprehensible new overtime format was that in playoff games held in 2009 (Chargers over Colts) and 2012 (Broncos over Steelers), Team A won the toss and then scored, so the contest concluded without Team B having a turn. This was widely felt to be bad sportsmanship. Yet now the same thing not only has occurred in the playoffs three times since the problem supposedly was repaired—it’s happened in the Super Bowl! And somehow not triggered controversy.

Tuesday Morning Quarterback contends that overtimes should not occur in NFL, NCAA, or prep regular-season games, because they are too hard on the human body. What’s wrong with a game ending in a tie? The tactics involved in late-game situations where one team is playing to win and the other team is playing for a tie can be fascinating.

If tied games are intolerable, TMQ’s regular-season solution is a kicking contest similar to a soccer shootout. Placekickers each would have a turn from a specified yard line then move five yards farther away each time both kicks were true. The shootout would continue until one placekicker split the uprights and the other didn’t. Lots of drama, and no vicious hits to the heads of guys who are already exhausted. Think about it, football powers-that-be.

Want the overtime settled on the field? Then the NFL should use the college/prep format.

In college, teams alternate possession beginning at the opponent 25 yard line, playing until a pair of possessions concludes with someone ahead. High-school overtime in most states starts the alternating possessions at the 10-yard line; the main exception is Massachusetts and Texas, which use the NCAA rulebook.

The primary result of the college/prep overtime format is a guarantee of an equal number of possessions. There’s never a walk-off score by the team that lucked out on the overtime coin toss, as happened for the Patriots last year.

The secondary result of the college/prep overtime format is football without kickoffs, which are the downs most likely to cause traumatic brain injury. College and prep overtimes are incredibly exciting, yet gunners sprinting at full speed never collide with each other because there aren’t any kickoffs. The high quality of college and prep overtime play proves that a future without the kickoff is an attractive future for football.

The tertiary result of the college/prep overtime format is football without punts. Under the alternating-possessions standard, there is never a reason to punt: You’d go for it even on 4th-and-long. Turns out that football without punts is a lot of fun! Another thing for the powers-that-be to contemplate.

In other NFL news, any minute the Associated Press will announce this season’s MVP. There is a tiny chance the award will go to someone other than a quarterback or a running back. No receiver or offensive lineman has ever won the MVP—one defensive lineman, one linebacker and one kicker have. But 59 times, the MVP has been given to a quarterback or running back.

Owing to this, annually Tuesday Morning Quarterback confers the coveted “longest award in sports,” the Non-Quarterback/Non-Running Back National Football League Most Valuable Player. See below for this season’s winner, and for a Super Bowl preview, followed by TMQ’s Super Bowl pick.

The Eagles’ defense has keyed its success this year. That includes Philly’s performance in the NFC Championship Game against Minnesota. Here, defensive tackle Fletcher Cox (91) tackles Vikings quarterback Case Keenum (7). (Photo by Robin Alam/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

Stats of the Week #1. Stretching back to the 2017 Super Bowl, in its last three playoff games, New England has recorded 16 sacks while allowing eight sacks—a two-to-one edge.

Stats of the Week #2. Stretching back to the 2017 Super Bowl, in its last three playoff games, New England has made 90 first downs while allowing 54 first downs—a nearly two-to-one edge.

Stats of the Week #3. Philadelphia has allowed just two touchdowns in the postseason.

Stats of the Week #4. The Super Bowl matches a Hillary Clinton state (Massachusetts) versus a Donald Trump state (Pennsylvania).

Stats of the Week #5. All Tom Brady Super Bowls have been decided by six points or fewer; New England is 5-2 in those contests, with a net positive margin of 12 points.

Stats of the Week #6. New England is on a 14-1 streak when Rob Gronkowski gains at least 100 yards receiving.

Stats of the Week #7. As the home team of record, New England has chosen to wear its whites on Sunday. White jerseys are on a 12-1 stretch in the Super Bowl.

Stats of the Week #8. Nine of the last 16 winning Super Bowl quarterbacks have been Tom Brady or one of the Manning brothers.

Stats of the Week #9. Nick Foles has a 122.1 passer rating so far in the playoffs, better than any other quarterback this postseason.

Stats of the Week #10. Only one quarterback, Aaron Rodgers, has ever exceeded 122.1 for a regular season. Though, third on the all-time regular-season best passer rating list is … Nick Foles.

Surely Other Whistles Have Yet to Be Blown About Women in Athletics. The gymnastics-Michigan State sex abuse scandal keeps getting worse, leading to what might be called the Weinstein Paradox: When mistreatment of women finally comes into the open, many powerful people who weren’t victims themselves—including powerful women—admit, or are forced to admit, they’d known all along. Did they remain silent because they are terrible people? Or because they were aware that the first whistle-blower suffers retribution, while those who join in after the coast is clear get a career boost? That’s the Weinstein Paradox.

There are plenty of terrible people in this saga, beyond the convicted child molester Larry Nassar. Nicole Auerbach reports that NCAA head Mark Emmert was warned eight years ago that things were seriously wrong in the athletic department at Michigan State, and responded by doing what he’s good at: nothing. The opioid marketing departments at Big Pharma show more social responsibility than the NCAA, which began as a reform organization and then, as money in collegiate sports took off, became strictly a protection racket, covering up exploitation of African Americans in return for cash from colleges and tournaments. Members of Congress are calling for investigations of USA Gymnastics: Congress should investigate the NCAA, as well, which takes the model of USA Gymnastics—people at the top get all the money and none of the accountability—and spreads it across thousands of men and women in college athletics.

Disgraced MSU president Lou Anna Simon sounds like a really terrible person, too. Apparently the president of Michigan State didn’t care how many girls and women were molested in the years following the juncture at which the school was warned and failed to act, but did care about her own taxpayer-financed perks. Gymnast Rachael Denhollander went public in 2016, yet Simon kept denying anything was wrong. Michigan State took no action to defend minor girls, but was quick to retain the law firm Skadden Arps to defend itself from liability for the school’s villainy. Simon’s contract, which rings of cronyism and corruption, calls for her to receive more than half a million dollars per year essentially for life, no matter how poorly she performed. Now Simon has ruined the reputation of Michigan State University—but what’s that to her, since she gets her payday and her free benefits? Like Emmert at the NCAA, Simon at MSU knew there would always be money and never be accountability.

Pause here to congratulate the Indianapolis Star for covering Denhollander’s story. The NCAA is headquartered in Indianapolis and the subject of adoration from boosters; the Star took a lot of heat for blowing the whistle on local corruption.

And note the number of times the phrase “ESPN reported” appears in the page-one New York Times story detailing lies and denials by leadership of Michigan State. ESPN has a complicated relationship with the NCAA, since it is both a broadcast partner for football and basketball (and for a range of collegiate sports, but only football and men’s basketball make money) while also a news organization. ESPN tends to look the other way on routine aspects of NCAA exploitation, mainly unpaid football and men’s basketball players generating profits for colleges, and giant paydays for NCAA courtiers, without those players receiving educations. But when something disgusting happens regarding the NCAA—and under Emmert’s watch, “disgusting” and “NCAA” have become synonymous—ESPN doesn’t pull punches.

Now back to Michigan State. Nassar will spend a long time behind bars. What should other consequences be?

On paper the federal Clery Act imposes strict civil sanctions on universities and other educational institutions (USA Gymnastics claims to be one, in order to justify tax-exempt status) that fail to report crimes. Considering a former faculty member of Michigan State is now in prison for sex crimes that occurred on campus while the university was raising a wall of silence, it seems open-and-shut that MSU leadership violated the Clery Act. But will there ever be accountability?

Rarely invoked, the Clery Act is toothless. Penn State got off scot-free, able to depict the Clery Act filings that followed the university’s child rape scandal as a glowing endorsement from the U.S. Department of Education. Baylor University is undergoing a Clery review that may benefit consultants and lawyers, but if Penn State is any example, it will lead to no more than make-believe. (In 2016, the Baylor official who monitored compliance with gender-related laws quit, “saying she never had the ‘authority, resources or independence’ to do her job,” the Waco Tribune-Herald reported.) The largest fine ever imposed under the Clery Act was $357,000—peanuts compared to the salaries of Emmert and Simon, and less than 1 percent of the $38 million in Michigan State’s profit, in the most recent reporting year, on football and men’s basketball. (Find such data for any major university at this Department of Education site).

That largest-ever Clery Act fine was against Eastern Michigan University, which admitted to covering up news that a female student had been raped and murdered on campus. The murder occurred in 2006—which now appears to be the time the cover-up of sexual abuse of girls and women was getting into full swing about 75 miles away at Michigan State. Lawmakers of Michigan: What is wrong with the Wolverine state’s university system? And will you talk, talk, talk, or hold someone accountable?

The accreditation agency with jurisdiction over Michigan State, the Higher Learning Commission, is charged, in theory, with monitoring quality at that institution. Like other accreditation agencies, the Higher Learning Commission gets its revenue as fees paid by the colleges supervised—fees that are contingent on generous use of the rubber stamp. Accreditation agencies are the Arthur Andersens of higher education, almost always coming to the conclusion that everything is just totally swell, and now give us our check, please. The accreditation agency charged with looking into the Penn State scandal not only took no critical action, it rapidly provided Penn State with praise—in return for a fee. There is a likelihood that the Higher Learning Commission will never do anything about Michigan State, beyond sending invoices.

As Antoinette Flores has written, “For every $1 accreditors spend on monitoring college quality, they provide colleges access to $1,693 in federal financial aid.” The accreditor industry essentially approves the awarding of federal subsidies while creating an illusion of oversight, with the bill passed on to students and their parents. College costs way too much, and college debt has become a barrier to class mobility. One means to cut college debt would be to eliminate the worthless accreditors, since at this point they are just a transaction cost with no real function.

Back to the Weinstein Paradox. It’s totally understandable that young actresses, with no power or financial security, kept quiet. But some of them later became prominent figures with tremendous power and financial security, yet still kept quiet, speaking out only once someone else had. The same goes for powerful Hollywood types who weren’t victims themselves, but later said they were aware of the accusations. How many well-to-do athletes and highly paid academic and athletic officials are in the same circumstance right now—keeping quiet about other sex abuses?

Super Bowl Preview. When you’re watching the game with friends, sipping craft-brewed boysenberry-almond ale and munching Cheetos-encrusted edamame, if either side returns an interception for a touchdown, confidently turn to your friends and declare that team will win. Pick-six teams are 12-1 in the Super Bowl, the strongest statistical leading indicator. Last season’s Atlanta pick-six against New England was the sole instance in which an interception returned for a touchdown did not lead ineluctably to a Lombardi Trophy. And the Falcons had to work so, so hard to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

Pay close attention to the second-half kickoff. Because of the halftime show, Super Bowl intermissions are twice the length of intermissions for all other NFL games. Millions of people are making sandwiches or ordering pizza, and miss the second-half kickoff. In the locker rooms, players can lose focus, or get distracted by the celebrity glam out on the field. (This year, Justin Timberlake plus some other boldface types will dance in laser lights; Katy Perry’s giant mechanical lion is the current prop to beat.) Distractions and loss of focus can lead to big plays on the second half kickoff. The Saints’ successful onside to start the second half in 2010, and the Seahawks’ kickoff-return touchdown to start the second half in 2014, were the key downs of those games.

After the second-half kickoff, pay close attention to each team’s initial third-quarter drive. Last year the Super Bowl was all about the fourth quarter. The year before, it was about the early third quarter, when the Panthers, trailing 13-7 at the half, staged a long drive that resulted in no points. Suddenly, the Broncos were in control.

TMQ contends that as the playoffs progress, the pressure cranks up and motivation becomes more important. Any head coach who says of the Super Bowl, “We approach this as just another game” has already lost. (Marv Levy, a fine guy, said these famous last words four consecutive times.) Across the landscape of sports, “They don’t respect you” is every head coach’s favorite motivator. The Eagles have their perpetual underdog status as a spark plug—maybe Doug Pederson will come out wearing a Belgian Malinois mask. For the Patriots, the ESPN snarky article of a month ago is the perfect motivator. Belichick must have smiled when he saw it, if not having a role in planting the piece in the first place.

It was never just another game—it was the Super Bowl. Hall of Fame coach Marv Levy discovered as much after dropping four straight title games in the early ’90s, when his Buffalo Bills dominated the AFC. (Bettmann photo)

Pay close attention to second-half injuries. First-half injuries are no fun, but the team has time to react; second-half injuries mean the backup comes in cold, and no tactical adjustments. Each of the three most recent Super Bowl losers suffered a significant second-half injury. In 2015, the Seahawks were ahead when defensive end Cliff Avril left injured; in 2016, the Panthers trailed by six when guard Andrew Norwell was injured; in 2017, the Falcons were leading when tackle Ryan Schraeder was injured. Network announcers only care if a ballhandler goes out hurt. If you look at the line of scrimmage and a starter suddenly isn’t there—you’ll have to do this yourself because there is no chance the announcers will look at the lines—that’s a bad sign.

The Patriots and Eagles both keep their starting offensive lines and secondaries on the field as groups. In the title-game round, the 10 New England and Philadelphia starting offensive linemen all played every snap, while seven of the eight starting defensive backs of the two clubs played every snap and the eighth came out for a single down. Most football players mainly have to defeat the guy in front of them. Offensive linemen and defensive backs must coordinate their actions with teammates at their positions. That’s why, while receivers, running backs, linebackers, and pass rushers shuttle in and out as if the field was a subway stop, offensive linemen and defensive backs stay in and play as a group. An injury along the offensive line, or in the defensive backfield, usually hurts more than any other kind of injury beyond harm to the quarterback.

Focus on Tom Brady late in the second quarter and the Eagles front seven late in the fourth quarter.

Brady is at his best just before intermission: In 18 outings this season, New England has scored 14 times in final two minutes of first half. When the first half is almost over and the locker room awaits, some teams tend to relax. Brady knows this and wields the dagger. Because Brady is so good in the two-minute drill, it is especially important not to punt the ball back to New England as the clock ticks down, as the Steelers and Titans did recently, to their woe. If Philadelphia faces a fourth-and-short late in the first half, go for it! Keep Brady from running a two-minute drill!

As regards the Eagles front seven late in the game, through 18 outings, the Nesharim have not allowed a score after the two-minute warning of the fourth quarter. Considering all of New England’s seven Super Bowl games under Belichick and Brady have gone down to the wire, Philadelphia’s ability to keep its late-defense streak intact could be the essence of the contest.

When New England has the ball, watch to see how the Eagles defend Rob Gronkowski. Not only is Gronk highly productive—until leaving the AFC championship injured, Gronkowski had six consecutive playoff games with a touchdown—he is the league’s worst matchup nightmare. Whenever Gronkowski is on the field, Brady is more effective throwing deep to other Patriots, because the opposition safeties must pay attention to Gronk.

In the AFC title tilt, Jacksonville often jammed Gronkowski at the line, rendering him mortal—just one catch for 21 yards until he left because of a concussion. Philadelphia defensive coordinator Jim Schwartz will know that jamming Gronk worked for Jax. Of course, the Patriots will know that he will know that, and already we’re in The Princess Bride.

The Super Bowl will offer the best evidence so far of TMQ’s theory of “Lend Me a Tight End” (as opposed to a tenor). The tall, fast tight end is the key that unlocks a modern NFL defense, for matchup-nightmare reasons. Every NFL defense has fast guys who can chase around wide receivers; every NFL defense has strong guys who can drag down runners; no defense has a guy who’s tall, fast, and strong all at once, to match up versus Gronkowski or the Eagles’ Zach Ertz. A lot of attention goes to Gronk’s stats. This season Ertz had the same number of touchdown catches (eight in both cases) and nearly as many yards receiving. He poses just as much of a matchup problem to New England as Gronkowski poses to Philadelphia.

When New England has the ball, watch to see if Schwartz resists the urge to blitz. Sending extra rushers, especially the safety blitz, has been an effective tactic for the Eagles all season. But there’s nothing Brady likes better than a blitz, at least the predictable third-and-long kind, since then he knows the outside guys are in man coverage.

Surely Schwartz has studied the two New England Super Bowl losses, in which the Giants played a conventional four-man rush and tried to stick with receivers till Brady could be hit as the ball was released. Needless to say, no quarterback wants to be hit. But between Brady’s age and being accustomed to a clean jersey—that is, no contact with the ground—he gets antsy when rushers lower the hammer. In Jersey/A’s 2012 Super Bowl win over New England, the Giants hit Brady 15 times (I am counting only hard hits), and by the second half he looked shaky. Last week, Jax hit Brady seven times, and though the Patriots won, he did not look comfortable. Schwartz knows this, and will coach up his defenders to hit Brady hard. Of course, Belichick knows that Schwartz knows this, and …

When the Eagles have the ball, watch what they do on fourth down and on the try after a touchdown. As this column has emphasized, Doug Pederson goes for it on fourth down and goes for the deuce more than any other NFL head coach. Considering New England was the second-highest-scoring team in the regular season and just posted 24 points against the outstanding Jacksonville defense, Pederson will know that playing it safe by punting on short-yardage won’t gitter done. There’s never been a Super Bowl decided by a deuce try, or with multiple fourth down tries. If the Eagles provide that Super Bowl and win, the ultra-conservative NFL coaching fraternity might finally open its eyes to the statistical case for going for it.

Of course, since Belichick knows that Pederson may go for it, Belichick may play Vizzini (another Princess Bride reference) and have the Patriots go for it first.

TMQ’s Super Bowl pick: The Eagles, by a late two-point conversion following a fourth-down success.

But don’t take my word for it. Sports Illustrated just predicted, on its cover, that New England would win. Sports Illustrated picking the Patriots is the best news Eagles fans have heard in years!

Let’s Get Loud About Hush Money. Non-disclosure agreements may prevent some victims of sexual mistreatment from speaking out—though coaches, medical personnel, and college administrators who know about mistreatment should not hide behind them. “I can’t tell you what I know because they made me sign an NDA when I took that job” generally is a cheap excuse, not a statement of fact. Generally, NDAs do not protect knowledge of illegal acts. For instance, a porn star can sign an agreement promising to keep quiet about a hotel visit, so long as only companionship was purchased, which is legal. A hotel company could not require managers to sign vows of silence regarding any information they learn about crimes within the hotel. And so on. When officials on the edges of the USA Gymnastics/Michigan State sleaze claim they can’t speak because of an NDA, they are hiding behind a fake excuse.

Often NDAs are correctly called “hush money,” since their whole purpose may be to buy some hush. Generally it’s not correct, as many headlines said in regard to Harvey Weinstein, that the person signing the agreement had been “silenced.” A lawful non-disclosure agreement that someone signs of his or her own free will is not any kind of oppression; the person can always say, “To hell with your money, I will speak out.”

Some NDAs are like rental-car agreements: no negotiation, you can only turn them down. “Upon arrival at the Dorchester [Hotel], the first task given to the hostesses was to sign a five-page non-disclosure agreement … hostesses were not given a chance to read its contents or take a copy with them,” Madison Marriage of the Financial Times reported last week, in her account of the London fundraiser that involved systematic groping of young women in miniskirts.

Five pages! Maybe there was an entire page devoted to “doddering dunces from the idle rich class.”

If a non-disclosure agreement is perfectly legitimate—say, to protect a trade secret—you’d want all parties to have copies. That women signing up for the Dorchester Hotel event not only were forbidden to keep a copy of the NDA, but were not allowed to read what they were signing, is the essence of the preposterous proviso. This column long has maintained that every disclaimer and similar instrument should contain the words, PLEASE DO NOT READ BEFORE SIGNING. In very small type, of course.

Whether signing an agreement you were forbidden to read has any force in British law is a question only someone in a powdered wig can answer. In the United States, it’s impossible to disclaim liability—dense disclaimers and NDAs may discourage people from suing or otherwise demanding rights, but if push comes to shove, the court will tear most disclaimers and many NDAs to ribbons. Many seemingly ironclad NDAs can be broken, if the signer is willing to bear the expense.

It’s been a big week for the non-disclosure agreement. Maggie Haberman and Amy Chozick reported that Hillary Clinton quashed sex harassment complaints against a campaign aide. Many have slapped their heads that the person whose questionable ethics were concealed was “Mrs. Clinton’s faith adviser.” (Oh ye of little faith, but roving hands.) After being super-hostile to Clinton regarding emails as the 2016 campaign approached the finish line, now that it no longer matters, headline writers are super-supportive of her. HILLARY CLINTON CHOSE TO SHIELD A TOP ADVISOR ACCUSED OF HARASSMENT, the Times headline read, rather than reading, say, HILLARY CLINTON ORCHESTRATED SHADY COVER-UP FOR SEX HARASSER. “Shielding” someone sounds noble.

The NDA aspect of the Haberman and Chozick story: “The woman who made the accusation has not spoken publicly … like most campaign staff members, she signed a non-disclosure agreement that barred [Clinton] employees from publicly discussing the internal dynamics of the campaign.” Hillary sure didn’t sign an NDA: She set a land speed record with a book about “the internal dynamics of the campaign” in stores in mere months.

I’ve inked one NDA in my days, with Newsweek magazine around the year 1990. At the time, the Washington bureau chief of Newsweek was Evan Thomas, who has since become an important biographer. (All of Thomas’s books are well worth reading—this is the don’t-miss volume.) Evan asked me to sign an agreement forbidding me from disclosing internal information about Newsweek. Presumably others writing for the magazine were asked the same, but since they promised not to disclose, how would I know?

That a news organization that exists to ferret out internal information held by government and business wanted to keep secret its own internal information … well, the sentence finishes itself. At any rate, I told Thomas the sole thing I knew about Newsweek that would cause the company embarrassment if publicly disclosed was … the existence of the non-disclosure requirement.

Does the Super Bowl Disprove the Whiteboard Analytic? TMQ’s Whiteboard Analytic of the NFL holds: There is having a franchise quarterback, and then there is everything else combined. Last season when the NFL’s final four was quarterbacked by Aaron Rodgers, Matt Ryan, Ben Roethlisberger, and Tom Brady, the Whiteboard Analytic was in fine feather. This season the final four were quarterbacked by Brady; then the undrafted, oft-waived Case Keenum, the oft-offloaded Nick Foles—who less than a year ago hardly any NFL team even wanted to sign—and Blake Bortles, oft-mocked by his own team’s fans.

TMQ could easily squirm out of this problem simply by noting that Brady is a future Hall of Famer and Foles played like a franchise quarterback in 2013 before developing injury issues and being traded to the then-dysfunctional Rams.

But your columnist thinks the Whiteboard Analytic holds. In this century, every Super Bowl-winning quarterback save Trent Dilfer, for the Ravens in 2001, and Brad Johnson, for the Buccaneers in 2003, has been a franchise-quality performer. Mark Rypien in 1992 was the last true who-dat to quarterback a Super Bowl win. (After winning the Super Bowl, Rypien went on to play for the Browns, Rams, Eagles, Colts, Seahawks, Falcons, and the Rochester Raiders, a minor-league team that performed on a covered ice rink at a community college.) If you were an NFL general manager scanning the horizon of the sport, you’d best fix your eyes on obtaining a franchise quarterback. Because in the NFL there is having a franchise quarterback, then there is everything else combined.

The Football Gods Chortled. Cornerbacks Stephon Gilmore and Ron Darby, who will start for New England and Philadelphia, respectively, both were offloaded in the offseason by the Buffalo Bills. Nigel Bradham, recently let go by Buffalo, will start for the Eagles, while Chris Hogan, recently let go by Buffalo, will start for New England. Former Bills Corey Graham (Eagles) and Alan Branch (Patriots) are expected to see action. “Sorry guys, you’re not good enough for Buffalo, you’ll just have to go play in the Super Bowl.”

Tailback Jay Ajayi, traded midseason by the Miami Dolphins, has subsequently run for more yards than any Dolphins player since the day of the trade. “Sorry Jay, you’re not good enough for Miami, you’ll just have to go play in the Super Bowl.”

New England Patriots cornerback Stephon Gilmore finds himself in a position he wouldn’t have been with the Bills: answering questions during Super Bowl LII Opening Night on Monday. (Photo by Rich Graessle/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

Did the Monkeys Sign NDAs? The Times reports that Volkswagen’s attempt to gimmick its way out of cheating on pollution rules involved, at one juncture, monkeys being exposed to tailpipe emissions from a Beetle. The monkeys were “watching cartoons for entertainment.” Presumably they howled and put their hands on their heads whenever an anvil fell on Wile E. Coyote.

Red Versus Blue in the Super Bowl. Texas is the center of football culture, yet it’s more than two decades since the Lone Star State sent a representative to the Super Bowl. California, Florida, Ohio, and Pennsylvania, the other football-culture havens, have combined to provide just six of the last 44 Super Bowl entrants. In recent Super Bowls, Massachusetts, Colorado, and New York have been over-represented—bearing in mind that for NFL purposes, New York is located in New Jersey—while the football-culture states were under-represented.

As for politics, 19 of the last 21 Super Bowl winners hailed from states that voted for Barack Obama in 2008.

Profiles in Courage. This column calls the owner of the Potomac Drainage Basin Indigenous Persons “Chainsaw Dan” Snyder because he once hired a crew to cut down trees on public land (the trees were blocking the view from his mansion to the Potomac River). The National Park Service, which had jurisdiction over the trees, looked the other way. Now many readers including Carli Jastrow of Portland, Oregon, note the guy who looked the other way for Chainsaw Dan has been appointed acting head of the Park Service. The guy “has a strong record of leadership,” said Interior secretary Ryan Zinke, making the appointment. Apparently in the current administration, “leadership” means “carrying water for the rich.”

The Non-Quarterback/Non-Running Back NFL MVP. Conferred 15 times, the coveted “longest award in sports” has gone to eight offensive linemen, four linebackers, one cornerback, one tight end, and to utility guy Troy Brown in the season that he played both defensive back and wide receiver.

Tuesday Morning Quarterback considers only gentlemen from teams that reached the playoffs, reasoning that he who would wear the garland of “most valuable” better have created some value.

Here are those who came close, but no cigar:

Luke Kuechly, linebacker, Carolina Panthers. The best Tampa Two middle linebacker since Brian Urlacher. (A Tampa Two mike-man must be able to cover receivers deep.)

Tre’Davious White, cornerback, Buffalo Bills. A rare most-valuable rookie.

Wesley Woodyard, linebacker, Tennessee Titans. Undrafted, and now one of the league’s most effective performers.

Mitchell Schwartz, offensive tackle, Kansas City Chiefs. Shown the door by the Cleveland Browns, who apparently told him, “You’re not good enough for our plans for a 1-31 stretch, so go somewhere else and start in the playoffs.” For sentimental reasons TMQ also names Laurent Duvernay-Tardif, guard, who grew up in Montreal speaking French. Not another musclebound French guy!

Robert Woods, wide receiver, LA/A. Outperformed big-deal fellow wideouts Tavon Austin and Sammy Watkins, while his excellent downfield blocking revived the career of Todd Gurley. Defensive tackle Aaron Donald and offensive tackle Andrew Whitworth also had outstanding seasons for the Rams.

A.J. Bouye, cornerback, Jacksonville Jaguars. Did not give up a touchdown pass in the entire regular season.

Antonio Brown, wide receiver, Pittsburgh Steelers. No other choice possible on this roster. TMQ would rather have one Antonio Brown than about 263 Le’Veon Bells.

Andrus Peat, guard, New Orleans Saints. When he broke a leg versus Carolina in the postseason opening round, the Saints’ chances took a nosedive.

Alex Mack, center, Atlanta Falcons. The Browns showed him the door, too. In the Falcons’ road postseason win at Los Angeles, Mack basically threw Devonta Freeman into the end zone, while having a perfect block on the Matt Ryan 4th-and-1 sneak.

Everson Griffen, defensive end, Minnesota Vikings. He is one of the league’s hardest players to block, though you never would have known from the Vikes’ overall meltdown at Philadelphia.

Now to the award.

Runners-up:

David Andrews, center, New England Patriots. Undrafted, near-perfect performer.

Jason Kelce, center, Philadelphia Eagles. The 191th guy picked in his draft class, near-perfect performer.

Trey Flowers, defensive end, New England Patriots. Should have been the game MVP in the Flying Elvii’s Super Bowl victory over Atlanta.

Danny Amendola, wide receiver, New England Patriots. Undrafted, let go by the Cowboys, Eagles, and Rams, so far he leads the NFL in postseason receiving. He gets open and he catches the ball, which professional wide receivers often neglect to do. In the playoffs Amendola has 18 receptions on 22 targets, an excellent ratio. Atlanta’s super-highly-paid Julio Jones had 18 postseason receptions, too, but because of drops, they came on 26 targets. Stefon Diggs had the same 22 postseason targets as Amendola, but because of drops, caught only 14.

The 2017 Tuesday Morning Quarterback Non-Quarterback/Non-Running Back NFL MVP is Fletcher Cox, defensive tackle, Philadelphia Eagles. Cox is the league’s hardest player to block, a reason the Eagles were first against the run, and the rare nose tackle who is also a feared pass rusher. For purists like your columnist, Fletcher Cox versus David Andrews in the Super Bowl will be more interesting than any skill-player head-to-head.

TMQ adds a bonus award, Mensch of the Year, and presents it to Colin Kaepernick. Whatever one may think of his strident politics or his ridiculous haircut, he was the most influential NFL player in 2017 without even stepping on the field. Kaepernick gave up millions of dollars in order to make a stand on a matter of conscience. Other prominent Americans who in 2017 placed conscience above money include … include … include …

Next Week. That Super Bowl thing you may have heard about.

Correction: A previous version of this story said that no linebacker had ever won NFL league MVP—Lawrence Taylor won the award for the 1986 season.