Roscoe Bartlett has a plan to close the gender gap. Bartlett, a second-term Republican representative from Maryland, has offered an amendment to the National Security Authorization bill that would ban the sale of nudie magazines like Playboy, Penthouse, and Hustler on military bases.
According to Bartlett, such publications aren’t simply bad for the morals of enlisted men. They “can also compromise our defense readiness” by inciting misbehavior like Tailhook and outrages like the recent rape of a schoolgirl on Okinawa. As Bartlett’s press secretary Lisa Wright puts it, the military is a “well-oiled machine”; pornography gums up the gears. Or something like that.
What does all this have to do with getting Bob Dole elected president? Everything, says Bartlett; taking smut out of the PX is a women’s issue.
“We think that there is no better way to close the gender gap,” he says proudly. “I think that there is no way you could look at Hustler magazine and conclude it is not demeaning to women.” Bartlett should know. He recently “thumbed through” a copy of Hustler and made an amazing discovery: According to his personal research, “Three-fourths of all the positions depicted in it are lesbian. And of the fourth that are heterosexual, at least half of those are oral.” Dole might want to keep those statistics handy for his acceptance speech at the convention in San Diego.
On the other hand, is ridding military bases of soft-core porn really apt to get women excited about the Dole campaign? An informal survey taken by Scrapbook staff indicates not. What, then, can be done about the gender gap? For the answer, we turn to you. Send your suggestions to Let’s Close That Gap!, c/o THE WEEKLY STANDARD, 1150 17th Street, NW, Suite 505, Washington DC 20036. The winner gets to be the new Mary Matalin.
