Rocked by massive protests and violent skirmishes, Venezuela is on the brink of civil war and has been for some time now. It should come as no surprise, then, that the socialist regime of Nicolás Maduro is shoring up support with the country’s military in every way it can. This includes rewarding loyal troops—no, not with medals, not with ribbons, not even with certificates citing their valor in cracking the skulls of unarmed civilians. No, soldiers are being ceremoniously presented with what may be the most precious commodity to be had in a failed state: toilet paper.
Opposition leaders acquired, and promptly tweeted out, photos of Venezuelan soldiers posing with a superior officer to be honored for their service to the regime. Each is being given a handshake and two—count ’em, two!—rolls of toilet paper. Thanks to socialist economic “reforms,” these priceless symbols of privilege are nearly impossible to obtain in Venezuela right now. That may be a hardship for the people of that benighted country, but it certainly makes things easier for the ruling junta: The rank and file can now be bought off, not with cash, or even groceries, but merely with bum-fodder.
The Scrapbook should be careful not to exaggerate, however. The soldiers don’t come that cheap. For their loyalty they are also being presented with soap, toothpaste, and razors, other highly coveted objects of desire in workers’ paradises.
Venezuela’s toilet paper crisis has been going on for years now, a classic, even clichéd, outcome of socialist rule. And so it’s worth remembering that Venezuelan socialism has long had its champions in the United States, most notably Bernie Sanders, who in 2011 said, “These days, the American dream is more apt to be realized in South America, in places such as Ecuador, Venezuela and Argentina.” The Vermont senator concluded with this taunt: “Who’s the banana republic now?” Good question, Bernie.
Alas, those who fail to learn the lessons of history are doomed to wiping themselves with socialist newspapers.
