The Pledge Guy Early last week the Supreme Court announced that it would review United States v. Michael A. Newdow, et al., the case whereby the Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals has prohibited–as a violation of the First Amendment’s religious “establishment clause”–organized recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance in the public schools of California and eight other states. The pledge’s “under God” phrase, though admittedly nonsectarian, is nevertheless, the Ninth Circuit panel reasons, a governmental endorsement of “theism,” or at the very least an explicit acknowledgment that the Founders thought themselves directed by divine providence. Congress thus erred in June 1954 when it passed legislation to incorporate the words “under God” into the pledge. And President Eisenhower then erred by signing the measure. He ought instead, presumably, to have vetoed the thing, as Article I, Section 7, of the Constitution gave him authority to do: “within ten Days (Sundays excepted).”
Come to think of it, the Ninth Circuit may want to look into that “Sundays excepted” business, as well.
If, that is, the entire controversy isn’t actually a nullity, since the law in question was reviewed by a Ninth Circuit that was created by a Congress that was established by a Constitution that was forwarded to the states for ratification by a Constitutional Convention . . . which decided to do the forwarding, as our founding document explains, on “the Seventeenth Day of September in the Year of Our Lord one thousand seven hundred and eighty seven.” Thus launched on the world with an unmistakable show of respect for “Our Lord,” the Constitution must itself be unconstitutional, no?
The Newdow case, in short, is farcical. All the more so because it will be personally presented to the Supreme Court by its plaintiff, who intends to represent himself pro se. The “Rev. Dr. Michael A. Newdow,” as he styles himself, is a “minister” of the “First Amendment Church of True Science,” which he founded, and which embraces “religious views” that “deny the existence of a God.” So it is an unconstitutional “affront” to Newdow’s “religion” that his elementary school daughter is “compelled to watch and listen” as other children recite a pledge that mentions God. In fact, it “unconstitutionally burdens his free exercise of religion” that Newdow is even required to complain about the pledge–because, as he acknowledges, the notoriety of his lawsuit “will essentially preclude him from obtaining public office.” And Newdow is otherwise an excellent candidate for public office, as the CD of self-penned folk songs he’s selling on the Internet attests. “Names that Flow Together” is THE SCRAPBOOK’s favorite tune: “Harry Truman, Thurgood Marshall, Nadine Strossen, Malcolm X, Mike Newdow / Over many centuries you watch as each one’s reputation grows.”
The Rev. Dr. Newdow, by the way, has been locked in a years-long legal struggle with his daughter’s mother, whom he never married, and with whom he does not share legal custody of the child. Moreover, the 9-year-old girl’s mother insists that her daughter is “a Christian who regularly attends church,” “believes in God,” and “wants to be able to say that we are ‘one Nation under God’ as part of the Pledge of Allegiance.”
You gotta feel sorry for this little girl. And you gotta admit, her problem with the Pledge of Allegiance is probably the least of her woes.
Twisted Mister
As hundreds of formerly unemployable California Republicans, Hollywood hangers-on, and idiot brothers-in-law apply for jobs in the new Arnold Schwarzenegger administration, THE SCRAPBOOK would like to put a deserving citizen up for consideration as Minister of Music: Dee Snider from Twisted Sister.
Like most who followed Arnold’s campaign, we weren’t sure if we could take any more of the Snider-authored theme song, “We’re Not Gonna Take It.” But then we met Mr. Snider backstage at an Arnold rally. We asked him if he was ready to rock. “Yeah, absolutely,” he said, “This is what my entire life has been leading up to.”
No longer is he the same Dee Snider who caused our youth minister to burn his records. Still braided and leathered, with a Latin tattoo inscribed in his arm that translates “Never Let the Bastards Wear You Down,” Snider is now a more cuddly version of the man who once tormented Tipper Gore and the Parent’s Music Resource Center. His teeth, once filed into fangs, are now tastefully capped. Yet his entry into our nation’s civic life seems to have even him baffled. “I was getting investigated in the ’80s, and now my song is practically a folk song. I don’t know how it happened.”
To see if he could handle the rough’n’tumble of politics, we asked Snider if Arnold’s scheduling of this particular rally on the eve of Yom Kippur was indicative of a casual disregard for God’s chosen people. “Being half Jew,” he said, “I didn’t even realize. I think my grandmother’s going to be upset.” What a pro.
Of the sexual misconduct allegations that dogged Arnold throughout the homestretch of his campaign, Snider, who considers himself a political moderate (having previously supported John McCain, Rudy Giuliani, and Bill Clinton) sagely suggested, “The ultra-right wing–they overlook the stuff their team does. But they go nuts [when the Dems do it]. That’s why Clinton did as well as he did, because he knew how to play the political game. It made them nuts. It was great to watch. Just like this is great to watch.”
Not that he personally doesn’t subscribe to clean living. In fact, so squeaky clean is Snider, that when we asked him to join us for drinks, he told us he couldn’t, because he doesn’t. “I’m clean and sober, married 27 years,” he said. “People would be shocked that I have no crazy lifestyle. I’ve never done any drugs or alcohol. I’m like an alien in my community.” Did we say Minister of Music? With this sort of spotless personal-life jacket, perhaps the world is ready for Governor Dee Snider.
$87 Billion Here, $87 Billion There . . .
With all the controversy on Capitol Hill over the White House’s $87 billion request for Iraq reconstruction, we got curious about where you might turn up that kind of money, and fired up the Nexis search engine to see where harried legislators might want to go looking. Here were a few of the hits from our search:
* According to Nucleus Research Co., the cost to American business for dealing with email spam is about $87 billion a year. The New York Times reports that if each worker spends 6 1/2 minutes a day erasing spam, that makes for an annual cost of $874 per worker. Multiply by 100 million workers and you’ve got nation-building money–87 billion big ones.
* The Bay Area’s 25-year transportation plan calls for investment of $87 billion. Insert your favorite BART joke here.
* The tort system costs about $200 billion a year, according to the Manhattan Institute, and the president’s Council of Economic Advisors says at least $87 billion of that is pure waste. (Note to the truly conspiracy-minded: The council came up with its figure before the appropriations request was final.)
On second thought, that last item might not be too appealing to most of the folks opposing the Iraq supplemental. After all, THE SCRAPBOOK assumes that the massive donations to Democratic candidates that trial lawyers are in the habit of making were counted in the “pure waste” category.
