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Unconfirmed reports out of Geneva late yesterday indicate the Obama administration’s tough talk strategy had pushed Iran to open its newest nuclear-fuel plant to international inspectors, in exchange for the right to host the 2016 Olympics — a privilege Obama had hoped to secure for Chicago.
“President Obama had an ace up his sleeve,” according to an unnamed State Department official familiar with the negotiations. “He made a big show of flying to Copenhagen with the First Lady, in separate jets with Oprah, to give the impression that nothing was more important to him right now than getting the Games for his hometown.”
The source praised President Obama’s “smooth diplomatic maneuver” which he said was designed to allow Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to save face, while assuring that Iran doesn’t quit the United Nations and thus de-legitimize the U.N. as a force for peace on earth.
“The Iranian regime wants three things,” the official said. “nuclear weapons, the destruction of Israel and the humiliation of the United States. Obama knows we can give the Mullah’s everything they want, but he’d prefer if we could give up just one or two of those.”
The 2016 Tehran games will give Iran a global stage to display “the great advances which have sprung from 35 years of Islamic revolution,” according Saeed Jalili, Iran’s top denuclearization negotiator.
“We have avoided most of the problems which plague western democracies through our enlightened approach of granting sensible liberties,” said Jalili. “We now have five years to prepare for the pageantry of the Tehran Olympics, and the athletes of the world have some time to grow decent beards, and to sew modest uniforms.”
Jalili added that he looks forward to watching Iran’s Olympians winning many gold medals as they “wipe the Israelis from the face of the earth.”
Examiner columnist Scott Ott is editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, the world’s leading family-friendly news satire source.
