“The Bucket List” earns two stars strictly because it has two stars: Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. It is only the force of their prodigious screen personalities and career-earned goodwill that gets this cheesy, preposterous piece of facile hokum a barely passing grade.
It’s all Jack and Morgan, all of the time, with a high-concept premise that might have had promise with a director other than the now officially washed-up Rob Reiner (“Stand By Me,” “When Harry Met Sally”) and a screenwriter other than already doomed newbie Justin Zackham. Call their distasteful buddy picture boondoggle: “Grumpy Old Terminal Cancer Patients.” Or, maybe: “The Odd Couple on Chemotherapy.” Or, how about, “The Most Lethal Weapon: Malignancy”?
If you’ve seen the TV commercial, you’ve already — in essence — seen the movie.
Jack as snippy rich hermit Edward Cole and Morgan as fed-up blue-collar family man Carter Chambers share a hospital room, extreme hair loss, a deadly diagnosis, and — soon — a desire to have a last hurrah around the world before they kick the proverbial bucket. Their doctor (Rob Morrow) learns lessons in bedside manners; Edward’s catty assistant (“Will and Grace’s” Sean Hayes) makes the arrangements for the trip. Meanwhile, the curmudgeons vomit, play cards, watch “Jeopardy,” tell each other their life stories, and come up with the ultimate to-do list.
Because their characters are written thinner than Jack’s ex Lara Flynn Boyle on a diet, the narrative must relyon cheap sentimentality and the unlikely globe-trotting adventures on their bucket list. The roster includes both wild escapades and the tying up of emotional loose ends with loved ones. They bicker and — of course! — come to adore each other in their last few months left to live even as they jump out of airplanes and climb the Himalayas among other things.
Anyone who has witnessed the effects of cancer’s final stages up close will not only be insulted by the filmmakers’ inauthentic and disrespectful depiction of its devastating physical effects in “The Bucket List.” They may also deplore director Reiner and scripter Zackham for their dismissive exploitation of one of the most painful and yet profound experiences imaginable. As someone whose dad died of cancer exactly 10 years ago this spring, I know I do.
‘The Bucket List’
**
» Starring: Jack Nicholson, Morgan Freeman, Sean Hayes
» Director: Rob Reiner
» Rated PG-13 for language, including a sexual reference
» Running time: 96 minutes
