I was opening my mail the other day and out of one envelope dropped a crisp new five-dollar bill. There was Old Abe staring up at me from the floor. I picked him up, wondering who in the world would send five dollars in cash through the mail.
It was from Ed Sondik. I don’t know Ed. I had no idea why he would send me money. So I looked more closely at the letter, signed by Edward J. Sondik, Ph.D., director of the national Center for Health Statistics for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), an agency of the Department of Health & Human Services, over in Hyattsville.
You get five bucks in a letter, it pretty much obligates you to read it. I did. Ed started by saying that a few weeks ago “your family was asked to take part in the National Immunization Survey”, which will help the CDC “improve vaccination coverage in your state and for the entire country.” Ed went on to say that my answers to the survey would be very important to the study and “no other household can take the place of yours.”
I was really touched.
The critical information about the cash came not in the letter, but in a post script. It said “To thank you for your time and effort, we have enclosed $5.00.”
Then the capper: Ed said that “after we talk to you, we will send an additional $10.00.
Wow, I thought. After all the money I fork over to the Federal Treasury every year, I’m getting some back, and in non-traceable, non-returnable, cold hard U.S. cash. And if I do the survey I’ll get more, exactly 200 percent more.
The euphoria didn’t last long. It never does when reality sets in.
The reality is that somebody from the CDC’s survey contractor, the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, had already called a couple of weeks ago. I told them then that I didn’t have any children under 17 years of age living in my house, so I couldn’t answer their questions and terminated the call. Apparently the survey outfit wasn’t going to take no for an answer and contacted Ed to write me a letter and throw in a fin to loosen my lips.
Ed’s letter listed a toll free number I could call to continue the survey. I figured for the five dollars I had an obligation to at least call. I did.
A very nice woman asked me a bunch of questions and said I could get the $10 for completing the survey. Then she hit me with the terminator: “Do you have children under 17 years of age living at home.”
I had to think for a minute because my answer could decide whether I could collect the ten. My Catholic upbringing finally sent me in the direction of the truth.
I said, “Look, I’ve already told someone with your company that I don’t have any children under the age of 17. My children are all grown. My wife says I am childish sometimes, but I know that isn’t what you’re looking for.” She chuckled.
The woman was very pleasant and agreed to let me off the hook. She said she would correct the record on her phone logs and that I wouldn’t be bothered anymore. “Just be sure to let Dr. Sondik know,” I said.
I then called the toll free number for National Opinion Research Center to ask them a few questions, but they were not available after hours and so I left a message. That was a couple of days ago.
I’ve got a lot of questions:
Is National Opinion Research Center being paid for doing the survey? If so, how much?
Is the survey being conducted on a scientific basis? How many people are being surveyed?
How is information about childhood immunization going to be used? Is HHS considering new regulations?
Why me? Where did they get my phone number because I had just been called by the District of Columbia health department the night before on another survey about what I eat and smoke that I was told was being done in conjunction with, who else but HHS.
How many people are being paid $5 to do the survey? How many of those being paid are like me, people who have already said they did not qualify under the criteria?
How many are getting $10? How many have family incomes over $250,000 and, according to the President, shouldn’t be getting any financial favors from Uncle Sam?
How much is this cash for questions costing the taxpayers?
Why on earth is the Department of Health and Human Services paying people to do a survey when responding should be a basic civic responsibility?
What else is the HHS spending its money on besides a lot of surveys and the incredibly wasteful Obamacare promotional ads featuring Andy Griffith?
Is Edward J. Sondik, Ph.D. a real person?
I have one other question: What do I do with that crisp new five dollar bill?
It wouldn’t be right to keep it. But if I send it back to Ed Sondik, at a government agency, imagine the cost in manpower and paperwork to reprocess five dollars and return it to the Treasury. Talk about waste.
PS: I’m giving the five dollars to DC’s Children’s Hospital. I hope they will be as surprised as I was when they open the envelope. On behalf of everyone at Children’s, I just want to say thanks, Ed.
