Donald Trump Seals the Nomination

The delegates fell in line accordingly. Washington, D.C.’s 10 votes for Rubio and 9 for Kasich—which the two former candidates earned during the district’s primary vote—were forced over to Team Trump. (And here’s why.) Michigan, New York and Pennsylvania deferred casting their votes so that Trump’s home state of New York could secure his win. And Donald J. Trump Jr., referring to himself a “small fly on the wall,” sealed the nomination for his father. (Dad must be big fly then?)

“Congratulations, Dad, we love you!” he said, as his dad officially capped off a most unlikely primary process.

The jumbotrons and marquees changed to champagne-colored fireworks, while the one screen over the podium declared, exhibiting a rare self-awareness, “Over the Top.” A few delegates swayed to Velveeta-smooth jazz. In his speech before the roll call vote, South Carolina lieutenant governor Henry McCaster had said, “This is not a dream.”

But maybe, I thought for an oddly calm moment, had I actually died in a deer accident and was this some sinister afterlife?

Among the posse’s lately spurned, purgatorians of another sort, Corey Lewandowski of the New Hampshire delegation voted for “my friend, and the next president of the United States, Donald J. Trump.” Chris Christie’s son Andrew beamed while declaring New Jersey’s votes for Trump. In the latest example of this race’s frequently misplaced rhetoric, tweets from white supremacist blog and message board VDare scrolled across the ticker as the vote rolled along.

As if to challenge McCaster’s assertion we’re not dreaming, Washington state delegates looked extraterrestrial in their Dr. Suessical headgear, Christmas tree hats either to honor their lumber industry or simply because they’re a silly, fun-loving people—perhaps both. Rhode Island used its vote as an opportunity to air its economic woes and then one-upped every other Trump-crazed state, bragging (or compensating?) that Little Rhodey voted Trump by the widest margin of any state!

Shifting west, the sun set on Cruz hopefuls. After synchronized cowboy hat-waving by its rowdy delegation, Texas lieutenant governor Dan Patrick cast a cool 104 delegates for “our friend, our favorite son, a true conservative Ted Cruz” and for a piddling less than half that for “our new son, our adopted favorite son,” Trump.

And “Utah has its priorities straight,” a delegate introduced the chair of the Republican party of Utah, who pledged loyalty to Trump. The state cast “all 40 of our delegates to the gentleman who won our state, Senator Ted Cruz,” but “pursuant to the rules of this convention,” all 40 votes for Cruz sank to Trump. Stalwart Wyoming declared undying love for the Texas senator and three tepid votes’ worth of “support” for Trump.

Alaska, which Cruz also won in the primary, bit back: “We were never told that you were going to miscast our votes tonight,” they shouted at House speaker Paul Ryan. While Alaska huddled to poll its delegates, California’s shouted, “We want Trump,” until the house band overpowered them and every other noise in the arena. RNC Chairman Reince Priebus shut it down with a dual message.

Paraphrasing here: You shoulda read the rules, guys, and, hey, just be glad we even let you read your votes.