News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher.
[From The Washington Examiner ScrappleFace Archives, DATELINE: Nov. 24, 1863]
Two days hence the United States will mark, for the first time, a new holiday created by a presidential proclamation last month, which has generated substantial furor among Democrats and journalists alike.
Leading congressional Democrats see in President Abraham Lincoln’s so-called “Thanks-giving day” declaration not only “a disturbing streak of irrational mysticism,” as one senator called it, “but a view of human nature inconsistent with the modern enlightenment understanding.”
Reporters and columnists from the New York Times, among others, recently expressed confusion at Mr. Lincoln’s claim that he can see blessings in the midst of the trials brought on by what most experts call the “quagmire of a war for cotton” between the Confederacy and the Union.
“No human counsel hath devised, nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things,” said Mr. Lincoln in his controversial proclamation. “They are the gracious gifts of the most high God, who while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy.”
The president’s use of a pre-medieval slur like “sin” against all Americans has cast doubt on his political future, and his belief in a “God” who superintends in the affairs of man has raised concerns about his mental fitness. Elsewhere in the proclamation, Mr. Lincoln even suggests citizens should express “humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience. …”
Among leading 24/7 telegraph correspondents, one Christopher Matthews slammed the president for “dragging religion into the public square, and imposing ideological hegemony on a nation which draws it strength from diversity.”
In related news, Messrs. Rasmussen and Gallup departed the District of Columbia on horseback late last month to gauge public opinion in the wake of the “Thanks-giving” debacle. Their Western Union dispatches have thus far indicated a troubling drop in the president’s popularity, which has top aides hunkered down, plotting damage control.
Examiner columnist Scott Ott is editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, the world’s leading family-friendly news satire source.
