In final roast, Obama tears into presidential candidates, even Hillary

Starting right off the bat with hits at Hillary Clinton, Obama apologized for running late to the always-delayed dinner.

“I know I was a little late tonight,” he said. “I was running on CPT, which stands for “‘jokes that white people should not make. That was a jab at Clinton and New York Mayor Bill de Blasio, who appeared in a skit in which the white mayor, who is married to a black woman, referred to “colored people time.”

“If this material works well, I’m gonna use it at Goldman Sachs next year. Earn me some serious Tubmans,” said Obama, hitting on Clinton’s high Wall Street corporation speaking fees and the recent Treasury Department announcement that escaped slave Harriet Tubman will appear on the $20 bill starting in a few years.

Obama mentioned democratic socialist Bernie Sanders, who was the only candidate present at the event, but went pretty easy on him.

“Feel the Bern. That’s a good slogan. Hillary’s slogan has not had the same effect,” Obama said, as an image of the Clinton logo shoving a boulder up a mountain appeared on screens in the venue, along with “Trudge up the Hill.”

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Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus, who isn’t seeking public office, wasn’t safe.

“Glad to see that you feel you’ve earned a night off. Congratulations on all your success. The Republican Party, the nomination process; it’s all going great,” the president said. “Keep it up.”

Obama then turned to GOP Sens. Tim Scott of South Carolina and Cory Gardner of Colorado.

“They’re in the house, which reminds me. Security, bar the doors. Judge Merrick Garland, come on out. We’re gonna do this right here, right now,” Obama said, referring to the hearing Senate leadership will not give his Supreme Court nomination. He added it would be like “the Red Wedding,” a “Game of Thrones” reference.

Obama also hit Texas Sen. Ted Cruz’s slip up earlier this week when Cruz called a basketball hoop a basketball “ring.”

“What else is in his lexicon? Baseball sticks? Football hats?” Obama asked. “But sure, I’m the foreign one.”

Obama waited toward the end of his speech to tear into Trump. He started by acknowledging Trump’s fellow New Yorker Michael Bloomberg, who was at the event.

“Mike, a combative, controversial, New York billionaire is leading the GOP primary and it’s not you,” Obama said. “That has to sting a little bit. Although it’s not an entirely fair comparison between you and the Donald,” Obama said. “After all, Mike was a big city mayor, he knows policy in-depth and he’s actually worth the amount of money that he says he is.”

“The Republican establishment is incredulous that he is their most likely nominee,” Obama said, referring to Trump’s Miss Universe pageant. “They say he lacks foreign-policy experience to be president. In fairness, he has spent years meeting with leaders from around the world: Miss Sweden, Miss Argentina, Miss Azerbaijan …”

Obama bashed the media in the audience for giving Trump too much face time and attention in the past 10 months of his campaign.

“We can all agree that, from the start, he has gotten the appropriate amount of coverage befitting the seriousness of the his candidacy,” he said. “I hope you are all proud of yourselves.”

Obama added Trump, whose sons attended while he did not, was likely at home “eating Trump Steaks, tweeting insults to [German Chancellor] Angela Merkel” and joked about why he didn’t attend this year’s event when “we had so much fun last time,” hinting at the 2011 dinner when Trump was largely the butt of the jokes.