A recent article in the Wall Street Journal highlighted a study showing that people who tell good stories “are happier in life and in love.” Yes, research was conducted to determine this. Specifically, “New research, published this month in the journal Personal Relationships, shows that women find men who are good storytellers more appealing,” writes Elizabeth Bernstein. But what she discovered next will BLOW YOUR MIND.
Sorry ladies, there’s nothing exactly mind-blowing here, just my attempt to be more appealing. In any event, after elaborating on the study, Bernstein explains, “Women rated men who were good storytellers as more attractive and desirable as potential long-term partners. Psychologists believe this is because the man is showing that he knows how to connect, to share emotions and, possibly, to be vulnerable. He also is indicating that he is interesting and articulate and can gain resources and provide support.” (As for the validity of studies in general, I direct you to Andrew Ferguson’s “Making It All Up.”)
“It feels wonderful to tell someone your stories when you are first becoming intimate,” writes Bernstein. “Think of the people you have been in love with in your life. I bet that at least once early in your relationship you stayed up all night talking, telling stories that were revealing and illuminating. That deep communication is sexy.” At which point, I wondered if the men and women were thinking the same thing during these hours-long conversations. Wow, he really wants to get to know me! vs. Wow, it’s 3 a.m. and we are still talking. When do we—
The point is, with the passage of time, such conversations can grow stale (think of Chris Rock’s “How was your day?” routine). Hence the pointers accompanying the story, such as “Remember the basics,” “Find a time and a place where you aren’t rushed and there are no distractions,” “Include your emotions,” and “Practice.” Jokes aside, how often do you hear a story that never reaches its conclusion? Have you ever interrupted someone’s story because you thought yours was better? Frankly, we can all probably work on our raconteur skills.
But amidst the analyses and discussion of the study’s implications, there was this:
I assured my better half this research was obviously inaccurate.
