Don?t be alarmed if a 13-foot poodle in pink fluffy tulle rushes past your house this morning.
That?s just Fifi ? one of 28 human-powered, all-terrain, amphibious art works,or vehicles, racing through Baltimore?s streets Saturday during the American Visionary Art Museum?s 10th annual Kinetic Sculpture Race.
“Fifi is made of 360 yards of pink tulle, but she?s no lady underneath,” said Theresa Segreti, Race Director. “About 1,500 pounds of steel make up Fifi?s body.”
Fifi and other creations such as the Make-Believer?s Fiah Twuck will plow through mud, sand and water, all vying for mediocrity.
“The goal is to be dead middle of the pack,” Segreti said. “And there?s no way of telling exactly who will end up in the middle because our Kinetic cops give time deductions or tickets to make it a mystery.”
Bribing your way out of a ticket is not only accepted, it?s encouraged.
In the past, the crew known as Dumpster Divers from Philadelphia swayed Kinetic cops by throwing baked goods to the crowd from a Tasty Kake truck after their vehicle failed.
Good thing the costume-clad crowd liked Tasty Kakes. If your bribe, usually homemade and related to your vehicle?s theme, isn?t good enough, you?ll get a time deduction for that, too, Segreti explained.
Baltimore Sculptor David Hess has pedaled beside his family, friends and co-workers in the race for the past 10 years. “The race is a hybrid of creativity and engineering, but there?s a special sense of good will. It?s like in [Dr. Seuss?] ?How the Grinch Stole Christmas? when all the Whos stand up and hold hands, as goofy as that sounds, that?s what it?s like. Everyone helps each other. There?s no sabotaging. If you see someone broken down you throw them something to help. It?s great to be out there.”
Hess and his crew are behind the infamous Platypus, which stands for “personal long-range all terrain yacht proven unsafe” and the Wombat, an acronym for “wayward outcast musicians battling apocalyptic tribulations,” Hess said. “Our wombat is piloted by one of my studio assistants and his roommates. They?ll be playing jazz music with trombone, trumpets, drums and saxophones.”
New this year to the race will be Artex Fine Art Service?s “Garden of Kinetic Delights,” modeled after Hieronymus Bosch?s oil on wood triptych “Garden of Earthly Delights” and a handful of other peculiar, yet entertaining art works.
And the winner is …
Awards at the Kinetic Sculpture Race are as wacky as the vehicles. Some of the cooky awards are:
- Best Bribe
- Worst Honorable Mention Lowest Award, awarded to the crew who knew their design was half-baked, but still came to the race anyway with no shame.
- The Golden Dinosaur, which goes to the first sculpture to break down or can boast the most memorable breakdown.
- The Next to the Last Award, awarded to the sculpture and pilot finishing next to last of course.
- The Golden Flipper, given for the most interesting water entry such as The Titanic?s, when it started on land as a boat, broke apart in the water, sunk and became a lifeboat.
More competitive prizes include the Art Award, given with consideration “to color, costumes, two and three dimensional “artistic designs, kinetic motion, humor, theatrical appeal and mass-crowd-and media glory-seeking.”
IF YOU GO
Opening ceremonies: 9:30 a.m. today at the American Visionary Art Museum, 800 Key Highway, Baltimore.
Route: Federal Hill Park, down Riverside, Fort, Lawrence and Key Highway, past the AVAM, around the Inner Harbor, to Aliceanna, Boston and the Canton Waterfront Park. Vehicles hit water there, before racing up Boston, Kenwood and Eastern into Patterson Park through its grand gate at Eastern and Linwood. Next, it?s a race down Lombard, Central, Eastern, Pratt, Light, Key Highway, Woodall, Fort Avenue, Jackson, Clement and up Covington Street to the finish line at the AVAM. Vehicles begin crossing the line around 3:30 p.m.
