Forget for a moment, “Idol” friends, that in this very space last week, this very critic called for the ouster of Blake Lewis, an entertaining but unremarkable singer.
Forget for a moment that Melinda Doolittle, the cream of this season’s crop, was voted off, putting a tidy bow on an unsightly sixth-season package of forgettable contestants and constant disappointments.
Know only that, at this point, the hope for an entertaining finale has died, replaced by the choice between a semi-talented bore and a mildly more talented sideshow.
Still, your course here is clear: Vote Blake. Vote confidently; vote often; vote without enthusiasm; vote with the empty passion of someone who will ultimately see no fruits of his TV-watching labor.
Vote for Blake, a cool cat who always rocks the mic right — and yet, in our heart of hearts, we know to be enjoying his final moments of being the king of a small castle.
Jordin Sparks, 17
» Glendale, Ariz.
Last week: “Wishing on a Star” Grade: B; “She Works Hard for the Money” Grade: B-; “I Who Have Nothing” Grade: C
Vegas says: The favorite
Should Jordin win? No. Mysteries of the world include why more people aren’t afraid of elephants, why sour cream hasn’t replaced mustard as an A-list condiment, and why Jordin is more popular than morning coffee. It’s baffling, really. If youth and a pretty smile trump talent by this degree, then the rest of us might as well hang it up already and try to catch the early bird special.
Will Jordin win? No. This is a prediction born from hope, with fingers crossed and a glass half full. It’s my expectation that others will see her blatant mediocrity as I do — if not from careful, unbiased analysis, then for Pete’s sake, from smack-in-your-face, mother-lovin’ common sense! (But of course, you can rely on American voters like you can rely on your mechanic.)
Turn up or tune out? If Jordin were to put out an album right now, in value of importance it would fall somewhere between a nonfunctioning, ammo-less potato gun and one-half of an unused concert ticket to see New Kids on the Block. During Jordin’s performances, maybe I’ll check and see if anything hot is showing on the Hallmark Channel. (P.S. I want to shoot myself for missing Phil Stacey right now.) Tune out.
Blake Lewis, 25
» Bothell, Wash.
Last week: “Roxanne” Grade: B+; “This Love” Grade: A; “When I Get You Alone” Grade: A-
Vegas says: The underdog
Should Blake win? Yes. Public notice: I officially became a Blake fan last week. It was some kind of odd epiphany: Right in the midst of his third song, I found myself really digging what Blake was delivering. Maybe it’s because ditties from Robin Thicke, Maroon 5, Jamiroquai and Sting are all right out of the Scott Fuller Favorites playbook. But even more likely, it’s because when Blake was bustin’ a wicked beat with Sir Mix-a-Lot in Seattle, I thought to myself, “Dude, that’s pretty freakin’ cool!” Seriously. Blake may not being blowing folks’ socks off with musical grandeur, but he’s putting on a pretty good show. And what else do you want from “American Idol”? Sometimes it’s OK to skip heartier fare and just enjoy the dessert.
Will Blake win? Yes. The throngs of teenyboppers screaming his name could be on to something. This Washington-state hipster is in need of a couple essentials: No. 1: an edge, and No. 2: a stepladder. As for No. 1: That’s nothing a criminal record/rehab stint won’t cure; as for No. 2.: Hey, Blake, I’m still chasing 6 feet myself, so I feel ya. I just know it ain’t cool to be looking up at Ryan Seacrest. But those are needs for superstardom; to win “American Idol,” the only requirement is just DON’T BLOW IT.
Turn up or tune out? Had Melinda been in the finals, this would have been a far more challenging call (deciding between style and substance often is). Now, it’s easy like Sunday morning. Blake is fun; Jordin isn’t even funny. He deserves to be this season’s “American Idol” … and the rest of us deserve to have our weeknights back for more meaningful pursuits. Tune out.
It’s been a jolly good party, Examiner readers. Scott Fuller out!
‘American Idol’
» 8 to 9 p.m., Fox
The two finalists perform at Hollywood’s Kodak Theatre in the sixth season’s penultimate episode.
