Bernie Sanders: I won both debates!

Hudson, N.H.— In an open acknowledgment of the Democratic Party’s leftward drift, Bernie Sanders claimed victory in the first salvo of Democratic primary debates during a campaign rally.

“It was very interesting, I think it was today, actually. The Wall Street Journal wrote an op-ed, if i recall correctly, ‘Bernie Sanders won both debates,'” the Vermont senator told the roughly 250 cramped supporters who came to celebrate the opening of a new campaign office. “How do you win a debate you weren’t even participating in? Because of New Hampshire and 21 other states, that supported our agenda [in 2016], other Democratic candidates understand they have to speak to the needs of the working class in this country. That’s how you win both debates.”