About that iPhone presentation… It’s been 10 years since Apple deployed its first overhyped phone, so how about a reunion of sorts. (How much money have you given Apple in the last 10 years? Maybe don’t overthink that …) In January of 2007 the iPhone debuted, and Steve Jobs gave a public hype presentation. What you might not know is that the iPhone barely worked for the presentation: “The iPhone could play a section of a song or a video, but it couldn’t play an entire clip reliably without crashing. It worked fine if you sent an e-mail and then surfed the Web. If you did those things in reverse, however, it might not. Hours of trial and error had helped the iPhone team develop what engineers called “the golden path,” a specific set of tasks, performed in a specific way and order, that made the phone look as if it worked.” Apple brought in a cell tower to make sure it could get a good connection, and even fibbed about the phone’s connection strength, programming it to always show five bars. That’s some blarney! As a hater of Apple products, this gives me a chuckle since Androids are technically superior and usually cheaper. So, about that iPhone X you’ll waste $1,000 on: edge to edge display! Amazing! Android has had it for over a year. Wireless charging! What a marvel! Androids have been capable of this for over two years. Facial recognition to unlock your phone? Is this the Jetsons? Android had it five years ago. By all means, fork over a week’s pay for the latest iPhone, but don’t be that guy waiting in line for a $1,000 brick with years-old technology just so you can talk to people through a poop emoji. Ain’t technology grand?
Markets in everything, fish edition. People in the European Union are paying 3.50 euros per night to rent goldfish for their hotel rooms. Undoubtedly, the fish cost less than 3.50 euros, but you can be sure the hotel staff will make sure the fish doesn’t die while you’re out. (Or, they’ll replace it and just not tell you.) Can we blame millennials for this? Yes. And we should.
The U.K. sends its best. A man from Wales visiting Las Vegas for a bachelor party decided he wanted to swim across Lake Mead directly next to the Hoover Dam. He lived. Apparently, the first in 275 unsuccessful tries to do so. He was fined $330 by police. (Where is the video of this? I demand video!) The kicker is fantastic: “’I don’t have any regrets,’ Mr Hughes told the BBC. ‘I even have a tattoo saying ‘no regrets,’ that’s the type of person I am.'” Can we award this man American citizenship? He deserves to eventually be a Florida Man.
Shaun King wishes he could quit football. He can’t. As a lifelong Browns fan, I have a love/hate relationship with the NFL. In response to Jimmy Haslam’s genius decision to draft Johnny Manziel and run hometown favorite Brian Hoyer (and fellow St. Ignatius graduate) out of town, I decided not to go out of my way to watch the Browns lose until Johnny was gone. (It doesn’t take long for the Browns to mint a new QB…) But Black Lives Matter activist Shaun King was so mad about people picking on Colin Kaepernick—a millionaire!—he called for a national boycott of the NFL. He then proceeded to watch the games and offer lineup advice to struggling teams (read: Browns). King should be careful what he wishes for, anyone who plays QB for the Browns tends not to be playing much professional football after they leave. Ask RG3, Johnny Football, Jason Campbell, Brandon Weeden, Jake Delhomme, Seneca Wallace, or Brady Quinn, among many others.
Didn’t I tell you we’re going to 20? I did! My Cleveland Indians could get their 20th straight win tonight against the Detroit Tigers, which would tie the American League record set by the Oakland Athletics in 2002. The National League record of 21 was set by the Cubs in 1935. (The New York Giants had a winning streak of 26 in 1916, but there was a tie, so that doesn’t count.) Will the Tribe continue to make history? I’m hoping so.
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