News fairly unbalanced. We report. You decipher.
With just hours to go before Tuesday’s special Senate election in Massachusetts to fill the unexpired term of the late Edward M. Kennedy, Sen. Harry Reid said that Democratic candidate Martha Coakley would be “much more than just my 60th yes-man.”
“Sure, she’d be a rookie senator, who’s never functioned in a legislature, with no power, eager to please, inheriting the onus of the longest liberal dynasty in history,” said Reid, “but that doesn’t mean she’d be just a rubber stamp, or some kind of inert mass of protoplasm that responds predictably to the stimuli of her partisan overlords … no, not at all.”
Coakley, the attorney general of the commonwealth, immediately released a statement endorsing Reid’s remarks, and noting: “I will not be just a rubber stamp, or some kind of inert mass of protoplasm that responds predictably to the stimuli of my partisan overlords … no, not at all.”
She continued to emphasize her independent-minded agreement with Reid’s position on health care reform, and constitutional rights for Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab as well as other accused terrorists.
Wearing a bracelet sporting the letters ‘W.W.H.D.’, Coakley said she would be willing to stand up against her own party leaders on matters of principle, “if they ever do anything in the futu re with which I disagree … like in 1962, when JFK proposed that awful income tax cut.”
In related news, former President Clinton, and future former President Obama, will unite in Boston aboard a campaign bus dubbed “The Party-Line Express” to tour the state and to tell voters that their opinion matters, which is why they should “send Martha Coakley to Washington, D.C., so she can learn what your opinion should be on the great issues facing our once great nation.”
Examiner columnist Scott Ott is editor in chief of ScrappleFace.com, the world’s leading family-friendly news satire source.
