So, The Mummy. The question that bedevils me as I begin this review is how I can get to the end of it. Like Lucy in Peanuts, I am now counting words to see how quickly I can get to 700, which fills my slot here at The Weekly Standard. That was 53 words. I’m 8 percent of the way there. Can I make it?

If this were Twitter, I’d put up a poll. On the one hand, there’s the fact that I have nothing to say about this movie except that it’s dreadful, so maybe I should just give up. On the other hand, there’s the fact that I have three kids in private school and the monthly tuition bill is due and I need the money from this review to help pay it. Will mercenary concerns win out over a complete lack of creative inspiration? Vote now!