People say this column is a party ’cause it tells a sexist joke or two. Although I might be laughing loud and hearty, deep inside I’m blue. So as the women tear the roof of this place — and the men fall father back in the race — if you look closer, it’s easy to trace the tracks of my tears.
ALAINA WHITAKER, 16
The youngest competitor on “Idol,” Alaina has a bubblegum personality that, last week at least, was more Kellie Pickler endearing than nails-on-the-chalkboard annoying. “I Love You More Today” didn’t knock my socks off, but it was one of last week’s most enjoyable performances.
Turn up or tune out: How does Simon not know that song? (And a couple of other highly recognizable ones?) Alaina has a good voice and should do well, but she faces stiff competition in a field of talented ladies. Turn up.
ASIA’H EPPERSON, 19
Armed with a megawatt smile and spunky personality to match, Asia’h backed up the No. 1 ranking this space bestowed upon her last week. Simon called “Piece of My Heart” his “favorite of the night.”
Turn up or tune out: Asia’h has an intriguing, rough-around-the-edges voice that’s likable, but can it stand up to the very best? We’ll have plenty of time to find out. Turn up.
BROOKE WHITE, 24
Ignore the crazy eyes. Ignore the awkward stage presence. Ignore the syrupy-sweet happiness. Close your eyes: She sounds similar to other successful country/pop artists.
Turn up or tune out: There’s nothing flashy or groundbreaking about Brooke’s voice, but I expect another solid performance and another week of safety. Turn up.
CARLY SMITHSON, 24
Carly battled through bronchitis last week for an unspectacular performance of “Shadow of Your Smile.” There’s nowhere to go but up.
Turn up or tune out: Remember, she was a favorite of the judges and fellow competitors. She’ll soon be a favorite of the fans, too. Turn up.
KADY MALLOY, 18
» Houston
My suspicion is that Kady is a real witch. Her performance of “A Groovy Kind of Love” wasn’t jaw-dropping, either. But — and this is important — she nailed a couple of “Wow!” notes that hinted at through-the-roof potential.
Turn up or tune out: This recording studio assistant has clearly been practicing. If talent like this gets rolling, some contestants won’thave a whisper of a chance. Turn up.
RAMIELE MALUBAY, 20
Lil’ Ramiele has a small frame and a big voice. I wasn’t as floored by “You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me” as the judges, but Ramiele showed promise.
Turn up or tune out: This fun Filipino has the look, the attitude and the chops for a lengthy run. Turn up.
SYESHA MERCADO, 21
» Sarasota, Fla.
Does she have the total package? “Oh my God, yeah,” Simon says. Do I agree? My gut is telling me she’s a phony. Maybe it’s all the expressionless actors that this actress has got milling around her.
Turn up or tune out: Even though the band deserves a lot of the credit for her fine “Tobacco Road” performance, my intuition will prove inconsequential if she keeps singing well. Turn up.
» Douglasville, Ga.
True, Alexandrea’s “Spinning Wheel” was uneven and a little strange. Any more performances like that and she’s finished. But I haven’t written Alexandrea off just yet.
Turn up or tune out: This 17-year-old has a quirky, unique personality. If the vocals can measure up, big things could be en route. Turn up.
AMANDA OVERMYER, 23
» Mulberry, Ind.
Funny, “Idol” has been trying to find a real rocker for ages. Many have claimed to be the real McCoy; all have failed. Ironically, Amanda is the real deal — and it’s a disaster. Amanda’s talent is wasted here like letting Jay-Z loose at Grandma’s bridge game.
Turn up or tune out: She’s jammed her last jam. Rock ’n’ roll is sex, drugs and beating The Man. Seriously, have you watched “American Idol“? Tune out.
KRISTY LEE COOK, 24
» Selma, Ore.
Kristy Lee kept doing this bizarre thing in which she’d frequently open her eyes wide. There’s a joke there but I was too weirded out to find it.
Turn up or tune out: Was “Rescue Me” bad? No. Was it wholly forgettable? Yes. The talent pool here is too strong; Kristy Lee’s going home. Maybe it’s not too late for her to buy her horse back. Tune out.
Each week, Scott Fuller breaks down the sinkers and swimmers on “American Idol.” Sound off: [email protected].
