Are the actions of now former Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-N.Y.) really that unusual? Yes, but only for men of that age. Most men of his age have outgrown of what I would call “weiner compulsion.” However some, including the Empire State congressman, are still completely dominated by their “inner weiner.”
Here is the typical progression of the “weiner compulsion:”
A young boy is living a happy life. He likes to play with his toys, ride his bike and enjoy family vacations. Everything is going just swell. Six years old, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve…but soon after he turns thirteen something takes over his command and control system— the “weiner compulsion.”
Suddenly, that healthy young boy is acting like like he is possessed by a demon. Well, not quite. His “inner weiner” now rules him. His parents are probably very worried and wonder what has happened to their darling little son. Actually, something very normal has happened that has made their son act so weird.
“Weiner compulsion” is just part of the growing up process. After a few years of being completely dominated by the “inner weiner” most boys, as they turn into men, wrest control of their bodies back from the “inner weiner” and begin thinking (mostly) with their brains.
However, there a few men who continue to suffer from Weiner’s compulsion – like a certain former senator and presidential candidate who allowed his New Age mistress talk him into making a sex tape. You are almost guaranteed that a sex tape will publicly surface down the road, which actually did happen. So why did John Edwards agree to such a course of action? Because he was suffering from the “weiner compulsion.” Oh, and the same compulsion led him to cheat on his sick wife and father a child with the bizarre New Age mistress.
Go through history and you will see case after case of men ruined by the “weiner compulsion.”
A respected chairman of the powerful House Ways and Means committee loses his career and reputation when he is caught frolicking with an Argentine stripper who throws herself into the Tidal Basin in Washington, D.C. Goodby Wilbur Mills. A sad victim of the “weiner compulsion.”
And speaking of Argentinians…a South Carolina governor disappears from view with the story that he is hiking the Appalachian Trail. Then it turns out that he is boffing another Argentinian. Goodbye Mark Sanford. And say goodbye to your wife, family, governorship, and whatever chance you might have had to become a presidential candidate because you were too weak to fight off “weiner compulsion.”
Wiener compulsion almost always leads married men to “Monkey Business.” And in the case of former Senator (and would-be Democraticpresidential nominee) Gary Hart, that was actually turned true as we saw in a photo of a cutie with him aboard the Monkey Business yacht. How many days, and in how many ways, since then has Hart cursed out his “inner weiner” for leading him down the road of stupidity to political ruin?
The most astounding case of being ruined by “weiner compulsion” was the abdication of Edward VIII in 1936 who, after serving as King of England for nearly a year, gave it all up to marry “the woman I love.” Yeah, a twice divorced social-climbing woman who engaged in numerous tawdry affairs. I’m sure that not long after he became the mere Duke of Windsor he must have said to himself something like this: “I gave it all up for HER? I CURSE MY ‘INNER WEINER!!!’”
So falling victim to the “weiner compulsion” is not really an unusual thing. However, most men learn to get it under control. Those that don’t often end up as sad cases, as in the examples above.
In the case of Anthony Weiner, it is the best explanation of why a supposedly intelligent person could do something so stupid as to not only send out “Weiner pics” of himself, but did nothing to hide his identity as a congressman. And now we have him going off to seek a “cure” for his own “Weiner compulsion.”
Um, a little late for that now that his career and reputation are in tatters. Ditto John Edwards, the Duke of Windsor, and a host of others. Perhaps painful experience will “cure” them, but all the damage has already been done.
On the bright side is the plethora of fresh double entendre “Weiner” jokes. The New York newspapers are having a field day with “Weiner” headlines. So maybe “Weiner compulsion” does have its positive aspect after all.
