Ed Schultz “apologized” on MSNBC for calling radio host Laura Ingraham a slut on his radio show. I put “apologized” in quotes because what Schultz was really apologizing for was putting his bottom rated MSNBC gig in jeopardy. Therefore, allow me to put Schultz’s “apology” in italics followed by a translation of what he really meant in the brackets:
On my radio show yesterday, I used vile and inappropriate language when talking about talk show host Laura Ingraham. I am deeply sorry, and I apologize.
[You bet I’m deeply sorry. I’m deeply sorry that I put my big paycheck low rated MSNBC show at risk of being cancelled.]
It was wrong, uncalled for and I recognize the severity of what I said. I apologize to you, Laura and ask for your forgiveness.
[But mostly I am asking my new Comcast overlords to overlook Big Ed engaging in yet more Psycho Talk.]
It doesn’t matter what the circumstances were. It doesn’t matter that it was on radio and I was ad libbing. none of that matters. none of that matters. What matters is what I said was terribly vile and not of the standards that I or any other person should adhere to.
[What matters is that I keep my MSNBC job. Lord knows my zero rated radio show won’t even begin to pay the bills of my New York lifestyle.]
I want all of you to know tonight that I did call Laura Ingraham today and did not make contact with her and I will apologize to her as i did in the message that I left her today. I also met with management here at MSNBC, and understanding the severity of the situation and what I said on the radio and how it reflected terribly on this company, I have offered to take myself off the air for an indefinite period of time with no pay.
[Indefinite meaning TEMPORARY. Got that, MSNBC?]
I want to apologize to Laura Ingraham. I want to apologize to my family, my wife. I have embarrassed my family. I have embarrassed this company.
[The very same company that I threatened to torch last year. Fortunately they gave me one more chance. Unfortunately I blew it. Can you just forget about that ultimatum or am I going to have to go postal and TORCH this bleeping place?]
And I have been in this business since 1978, and I have made a lot of mistakes. This is the lowest of low for me. I stand before you tonight in front of this camera in this studio in an environment that I absolutely love. I love working here.
[I love this place so much that I might actually feel a bit of nostalgia while I torch it after being fired.]
I love communicating with all of you on the radio and the communication that I have with you when i go out and do town hall meetings and meet the people that actually watch. I stand before you tonight to take full responsibility for what I said and how I said it, and I am deeply sorry.
[I am deeply sorry that I gave MSNBC an excuse for firing me. I take full responsibility for torching this place if that happens.]
