I‘m not sure why I’m writing a review of “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 1.” If you haven’t had any interest in the best-selling teen vampire novels by Stephenie Meyer before now, a review of the fourth film in the franchise likely won’t suddenly spark some. If you’re one of the millions of devoted fans, nothing I say is going to keep you from theaters this weekend. That point was driven home to me as soon as the screening started Wednesday night. Fans, mostly teenage girls and women, had been invited to join critics at the preview. They screamed as soon as the words of the studio, “Summit Entertainment,” came on screen. They screamed when, just a few minutes later, Taylor Lautner took his shirt off.
Interestingly, the screaming mostly stopped after the film got going. Either these girls were too engrossed in the events on screen to make a sound, or they were disappointed by how unengrossing it turned out to be.
| On screen |
| ‘The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1’ |
| 1 out of 4 stars |
| Stars: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner |
| Director: Bill Condon |
| Rated: PG-13 for disturbing images, violence, sexuality/partial nudity and some thematic elements. |
| Running time: 117 minutes |
There was certainly plenty in the movie aimed just at them. The first shot of Robert Pattinson, the actor who plays Edward Cullen, has him gazing out into the distance, looking suitably brooding. “I’ve been waiting a century to marry you, Miss Swan,” he tells Bella (Kristen Stewart), the human to whom he is bethrothed.
Strangely, given how hard it was to get this commitment — her worship of Edward nearly killed her — Bella looks very unhappy as she walks down the aisle. Then again, if I knew I was about to married for all eternity, I might feel a few misgivings, too.
The wedding goes off without a hitch — though the other man who loves her, werewolf Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner), becomes angry when he learns that Bella is going to wait until after the honeymoon to become a vampire. Edward’s uncontrollable sexuality, it seems, could kill her.
It doesn’t — but the baby with which she unexpectedly becomes pregnant just might. And if it doesn’t, the other werewolves might: They see the creation of this creature as a violation of the treaty between werewolves and vampires.
Critics laughed at the idea of a vampire giving his wife a C-section using his teeth — though they’re all morbidly curious to see it filmed. Yet it’s not the bizarre imagery that’s the problem with “Breaking Dawn.” This is simply a ridiculous melodrama whose shocks — Bella is bruised after her wedding night, but we don’t get to see the enthusiasm of their wedding night — aren’t enough to distract from the project’s ultimate mediocrity.
How such a franchise became one of Hollywood’s most successful, I’ll never understand. It seems to have been made by a group of cynics who know they can get girls into the theater without having to work to offer them something of any value.
