‘PIGEONS’ FLOCK TO MCPHERSON
McPherson Square has been reoccupied — this time by office workers on their lunch break, some of whom were chatting about the park’s new look now that the National Park Service has blocked off most of the park’s lawns to regrow the grass killed during Occupy DC’s months-long campout.
“I saw people sitting by the statue again and I was like, ‘Woooo!’ ” one young woman said.
Lounging underneath the statue of the mustachioed Gen. James McPherson, two office workers said they were glad the park has returned to normal — but added they had a hard time finding a bench to eat lunch on.
“They’ve blocked off half the benches — demand outstrips supply here,” one said. “It encourages this sort of stalking behavior — leaning against the fence, like, ‘Soooo, are you going to leave now?’ We’re like pigeons waiting for crumbs.”
CAPTURED BY BATMAN
A K Street worker was heading to his bus stop off Franklin Square when he was bombarded by a round of clipboard-carrying extroverts asking if he had a minute for their cause.
He kept his head down and looked away from their matching T-shirts, but they tried to catch his attention anyway.
“Awesome shirt-tie combination,” one shouted.
“I bet you can jump really high,” another chimed in.
He was almost past the barrage when a third one called out a question the K Streeter simply couldn’t walk away from:
“What’s your favorite superhero?”
The man laughed, replied “Batman,” and was sucked in.
KNOW YOUR ILLNESSES
A fan of the Frederick Keys was flummoxed when the baseball players ran out of their dugout in purple shirts, a change from their usual uniform of white, orange and black.
The umpire explained it was a lupus promotion. “What’s lupus?” asked the fan.
“Cancer,” the umpire replied.
When the officiator walked away, the fan consulted his smartphone. “It’s not cancer, it’s an autoimmune disease,” he said as the umpire passed by again. “It hurts your joints.”
“Oh, you looked it up on your phone,” the ump replied. “I need to get one of those. Obviously.”
IN NEIGHBORS WE TRUST
A 27-year-old federal worker was walking home one night from Harris Teeter in NoMa when she noticed several $5 bills on the ground.
Picking one up, she realized it was a fake. The words “In school we trust” were printed on the back. She looked up to discover a group of kids playing further down the street, one girl dropping the money as she walked along.
“You picked up the fake money?” one of the kids asked the woman, amazed.
“You can keep it if you want,” piped up a boy in the group.
“Oh,” the federal worker said. “Thank you very much.”
It was the second act of kindness from her young neighbors in recent weeks. Not long ago, they had allowed her to touch their pet snake.
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