SEVEN OUT OF EIGHT AIN’T BAD
Things a Washington-area working mom remembered one morning, all before 9 a.m.: to pack all clothes/gear/food for her family’s trip to the beach; to drop off a full dinner at the neighbor’s house because they had a new baby; to talk to the plumber about a faucet problem; to order and pick up three dozen donuts and coffee for all of the staff at her 3-year-old daughter’s daycare because it’s her last day there; to purchase gift cards and thank you cards for all of her daughter’s teachers; to send her daughter to school with a toy for show-and-tell and a bathing suit because it’s also Splash Day.
Things the woman did not remember in the morning until her daughter lifted up her dress in the middle of her classroom and said, “Look!”: Her daughter’s underwear.
ROADKILL ON METRO
A morning commuter on the Orange Line was reading the paper when she noticed a small grasshopper on her thumb.
Laughing, she told the man standing next to her that if the little guy didn’t move, she’d let it off when she exited the Metro. At the next stop a woman walked into the car, Kindle in hand — the bug jumped onto her shirt, she shrieked, brushed it to the floor, and stomped on it.
The man started chuckling, but when he noticed that the commuter looked distraught he gave her a sympathetic look.
She shrugged. “Hey, I tried.” Then they both stifled laughs. The bug-murderer looked perplexed but went right on reading, unaware that she had just killed a fellow commuter’s temporary pet.
NOTE TO TOURISTS: DON’T PAY $1 FOR WATER
While waiting for the light to change at Gallery Place one day, Naomi Wright heard a man yelling, “Get your $1 water. It’s the cheapest in the city!”
The Waldorf resident waited and thought “Is he serious?” She pointed out that she’s not trying to put the water guy out of business, but why pay $1 for a bottle of water, when a case cost around $3.79 on sale?
She surmised that he was targeting the tourists who will pay $1 for bottled water, instead of asking “Where is the nearest Safeway?”
TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT
A woman was sitting in a Rockville parking garage texting a friend before heading into the office when a second woman pulled into the space immediately to the right of her car. Although the spaces were on the large side — and although there were plenty of other open spaces to choose from — she pulled in too close to open the driver’s door without banging the front passenger door of the first car.
The driver of the first car watched as the new arrival let her door open, banging the first driver’s car three times before noticing that she was being watched. When the second driver finally looked up, she gave the woman whose door she had just scratched an awkward smile and closed her door. She then backed up and left to park somewhere else before the first driver had time to say anything.
