IF YOU’RE THE SORT OF PERSON who reads stories by scrambling feature writers who spackle three anecdotal trends together in order to convince you, the gullible reader, that a movement is sweeping the land, then I probably don’t have to tell you that four out of five culture critics agree: Jesus is hot!

He’s been around since time immemorial, but now, as an outgrowth of the non-stop publicity of Mel Gibson’s The Passion, His time has come, both as a conversation-starter, and as a merchandising spur. It seems the kids are snatching up Jesus nail pendants like they were 1998-era WWJD bracelets–the late ’90s being the last time a next Great Awakening was allegedly on the verge of tip-off.