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President Barack Obama today continued his effort to repair the image of the U.S. in the wake of his release of the “torture memos,” by ordering the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) to “start using hindsight first, instead of as a last resort.”
Although aggressive interrogation techniques on three terrorists produced intel that likely prevented major attacks on American cities, most experts agree that there’s no way to know whether less vigorous methods might have produced the same results.
“In hindsight,” the president said, “it might have been better to gain the trust of men like Khalid Sheik Mohammed by speaking gently with them, and offering small gifts like Pop-Tarts, or Nair.”
“Because we waited until now to decide whether more humane strategies would have worked on KSM,” he said, “we lost the opportunity to employ advanced hindsight, and thus to win his heart and mind.”
“Who knows? Mr. Mohammed might have just spilled the beans by accident in casual conversation with an agent who became his buddy,” said Mr. Obama. “You know…they’re talking about sports or girls, or Rosie O’Donnell, and then he lets slip with the details of the plan to take down skyscrapers in L.A.”
The president also ordered the CIA to conduct a full review before each terrorist interrogation that includes “exhaustive second-guessing speculation by journalists, pundits, and disgruntled former employees.”
“If we do that first,” Mr. Obama said, “it will not only protect our image overseas, but we also get a chance to talk with some people who might not be available after the next terrorist attack on a major city.”
Examiner Columnist Scott Ott is editor-in-chief of ScrappleFace.com, the world’s leading family-friendly news satire source.
