I’m as open-minded as the average American, but when I read that the public school system in my hometown, Palo Alto, Calif., was considering adopting a “Mandarin Immersion” program, I admit I was foursquare against the idea. Pardon my ignorance, but how is some new-age fad like being dipped in orange slices supposed to help children learn anything? And where does it end?
“OK, kids, today we’re going to start with mandarin immersion, followed by algae body wraps, apricot facial scrubs and aromatherapy treatments. Then, when you’re all fully exfoliated, detoxified and hydrated, we’ll go over your fractions homework.”
My wife, with help from the hand puppets she keeps in the house for such occasions, managed to explain to me that the proposed program involves setting aside classes for certain elementary school students to receive their lessons in Mandarin, a language spoken by more than a billion Chinese people. She also reminded me (again) that to fully understand a newspaper story, it’s often necessary to read more than just the headline.
So it turns out that I’m an ignoramus about languages that happen to fall under the classification of “non-English.” But I’m not alone in my ignorance. In fact, many local opponents of the Mandarin program pointed out that these days, with the rest of the world scrambling to learn English, Americans simply have no need for other languages. Instead, these folks suggest, our school kids should focus on skills they will actually need, like practicing being patient with foreigners who always butcher our mother tongue.
Frankly, the critics have a point. Because much as I love my fellow Americans, I admit that we are often downright intolerant with non-native English speakers. The most egregious example is probably the way many of us loudly repeat ourselves whenever some poor foreign national has trouble understanding plain English.
Of course, this behavior makes no sense. If some snooty Parisian cabbie doesn’t understand you at normal decibels, there’s no reason to believe he’ll comprehend better when you shout, “I SAID I WANT TO GO THE LOOVER! YOU KNOW, THE PLACE WHERE THE MOANER LISA IS AT!’”
My theory is that many Americans cannot conceive that anyone, anywhere today might not speak English. And so, if some foreigner doesn’t “get” what I’m saying, the only possible reason must be that he or she simply isn’t paying attention. Hence the yelling.
But I wonder, is this phenomenon exclusively American? It’s difficult to imagine, say, a Frenchman at a highway rest stop McDonald’s shouting at the cashier, “J’AI DIT, ‘OÙ L’ENFER SONT MES POMMES FRITES?” but I could be mistaken. In search of an answer I called Kenji Hakuta, a Stanford University bilingualism expert, and asked whether people from other cultures exhibit this behavior.
“I’ve seen drunk businessmen in Japanese bars yelling at Americans as a form of harassment,” he said. “They find it interesting and amusing to yell at them in Japanese. But then they try yelling at them in English.”
We agreed that that this was a fascinating piece of information, and I congratulated Hakuta for finding an academic endeavor where he could conduct “research” by hanging out in Japanese bars. He conceded, however, that this wasn’t precisely the behavior I was asking about. Regarding my theory about this sort of boorish behavior being unique to Americans, he said, “You have my permission to call it plausible.”
Sadly, that’s more than the Palo Alto School Board could say for the benefits of Mandarin immersion, which was voted down last week. Supporters remain undaunted, however, and may try again to persuade the board of the program’s benefits. Only this time, to avoid confusion, they’re bringing a bullhorn.
In junior high school, Examiner columnist Malcolm Fleschner’s head was frequently subjected to what older boys referred to as the “toilet immersion” program.
