Much to the dismay of my wife, I bought an authentic red “MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN” hat from Donald Trump’s webpage, and insisted on wearing it every day for a week to see what would happen. The hat cost $25, plus shipping.
And by “every day,” I meant everywhere I went in public — meaning work, walking the dog, driving, eating dinner in public, and attending events as a member of the press. To make matters worse, our wedding anniversary fell during this time. (My gift to her was not wearing the hat to our anniversary dinner. You’re welcome, honey!)
Sporting the brand-new American-made hat quickly drew attention from my neighbors, some of them scowls. One, who knew me, got a kick out of it and said it was “very funny.” On Facebook, however, my friends had some varied thoughts.
A college economics professor of mine remarked: “It’s too early to wear that ironically.” Another friend, who is a very politically active Democrat in Iowa, chimed in: “My wife totally wants your hat.”
One friend joked: “Make hat crowns way too deep again”—which is fair. This hat is ridiculous. In wearing it, I feel like a boat captain in the 1980’s. But I can see why The Donald likes the hat. The extended crown makes it easier for us well-endowed men to keep our coifs intact with all the extra room. Roomiest hat ever!
The first major outing with the wife was dinner at a steak house in Virginia with my brother-in-law and his wife. Our waiter was Hispanic, and quickly recognized the hat, but said nothing. I took it off for dinner, not because I was ashamed of my experiment—I wasn’t raised by wolves—but put it back on for dessert.
As I walked out, a guy said “Hey, that looks like a real Trump hat!” I informed him it was, and he told me, “The knock-off I bought on eBay doesn’t look nearly as good.”
We went for after dinner drinks elsewhere, and a few guys at the bar asked about my hat and whether it was “real.” (Noticing a trend?) One of them told me, “I am neutral on Trump, but I do like that he is taking away the media’s power to control elections.” If only he knew I was one of those nefarious types!
Walking the dog, my regular doggie-owning contacts mostly ignored the hat, other than to comment on how retro it was. Except one, a girl in her thirties who lives in my building from either Australia or New Zealand (not sure which) who recognized the hat and said she really liked Trump, and “that Ben Carson fellow.”
Wearing the hat for a week included wearing it at the office, which drew attention, as THE WEEKLY STANDARD is not typically a hat-wearing workplace.
Thankfully for our boss, whose office is right next to my cubicle, he didn’t entertain many visitors this week, so the hubbub was kept to a minimum.
But the AEI interns in the building were torn on whether to say anything, which made for awkward elevator rides.
Yesterday, I covered the anti-Iran-deal rally on the Hill, and donned the hat with my press pass. It was very confusing for those there to protest. While some in the mainstream press were heckled by the attendees, my Trump hat / press credential combo rendered me like Michonne in the hit AMC showThe Walking Dead. That is: I was immune to being stopped by people to ask which outlet I was with.
Back in the VIP and press area, hiding in the shade of a tree (the Trump hat provides ample shade for one’s face), a reporter from MSNBC asked me where I got the hat. (Unfortunately for them, their employers could ding them for making a purchase from a campaign webpage, so unless they orchestrate a straw purchase, they’ll never get the Donald’s glorious hats.)
A couple in the VIP area, both sporting similar hats (one real, one fake) didn’t say a word to me. I don’t blame them: never trust the press! But one woman milling around came up to me and said “I am a Latina for Trump!” Maybe he will win the Hispanic vote after all!
Some fail to understand how Latinos and Latinas could support Trump. But there is a simple explanation as to why they exist, given the circumstances: Legal immigrants often disdain illegal ones, given what they had to go through to become Americans. Just as those making wages close to what politicians proposing the minimum wage be raised to often object to their colleagues getting a meritless government-mandated raise.
Should you buy a Donald Trump hat? If you like Trump, probably. If you’re looking for a way to be ironic, or keep a piece of political memorabilia to sell at a later date, then definitely.
If you’re looking for attention, this is the hat for you. But, if you’re looking for a good hat, look elsewhere. It is the worst hat I have ever bought.
The design behind the hat is something out of the late 1980s, complete with a white mesh support in the crown. The last hat I had like this I acquired in 1989 at Cleveland Municipal Stadium watching the Indians lose. Except that hat was free, courtesy of Sunoco.
After two days in the heat, the black sweat liner began to bleed through, making the red hat with white lettering one with black sides (and sweat stains). Sadly, these colors do run.
There’s a reason we leave hatmaking to foreigners: they do it cheaper, and they do it better. And by doing so, it frees up our workers to do more productive things than make baseball caps.
If, as Trump claims, he wants to Make America Great Again, he should start with better hats.
