SECRET MISSION
A D.C. resident was walking her dog about 5 p.m. when she spotted a half-dozen FBI agents piling out of cars marked “FBI Police” in an alleyway off Riggs Place Northwest, between 18th Street and New Hampshire Avenue.
The uniformed officers surveyed the alleyway for a couple of minutes with a man dressed in a dark suit, then broke off in groups of two and assumed posts around a small block of houses and two embassies.
Intrigued, the D.C. resident approached one of the officers and asked what was going on.
“We’re just making sure the area is safe,” the officer responded.
“From what?” the resident asked.
“You should just feel really safe right now,” the officer said, smiling slightly.
Unsatisfied, the resident walked around the corner and approached two male agents.
“So, who threatened the embassies?” she asked.
“We’re not here for that,” one of the agents responded.
“Well then, what are you here for?” she asked.
“We’re here for safety,” he said, tight-lipped.
The agents laughed her off and shook their heads. Spotting more agents around the corner — they had formed a circle around the block — she ultimately decided to return home empty-handed, without the details of the top-secret mission that she had dreamed up they were involved in.
Of course, though, she kept a watchful eye out her window for the remainder of the evening, and it didn’t go unnoticed that the agents quietly left at about 9:32 p.m.
TOO SOON
A man traveling on the Orange Line one morning began talking loudly about his battles with Satan.
Not surprisingly, tired commuters only glanced up at him briefly before returning to their newspapers and smartphones. When the train reached Metro Center, the man began to exit the train with a majority of the riders.
“Don’t lie to me on the TV,” he yelled to no one in particular. “I may be the Joker, but I ain’t robbed no banks. I ain’t killed nobody.”
“Don’t you put me on your Fox News online TV,” he added as the doors closed behind him.
Passengers sighed in relief as a young man looked up from his newspaper and remarked, “A little too real for this train?”
NOT SUCH A HAPPY HOUR
It was the sidewalk rush hour on New Hampshire Avenue Northwest as downtown worker-bees hustled north toward home.
The lone southbound pedestrian was stumbling, muttering and swaying — a man apparently drunk.
On his head was a red cap that read: “JACK.”
In his hand, he carried a can of soda: Coke.
“This is real life,” marveled a passerby as she dodged the meandering man.
THE BREAD AND MILK WERE SAVED
We all should be so lucky.
A man discovered, as he was checking out at a Whole Foods grocery store in Montgomery County, that he had left his credit card at home. And, of course, he didn’t have any cash.
So he raced home to grab the credit card and get back to the store before its 10 p.m. closing time.
But he got pulled over by a police officer.
The clock ticking, he pleaded with the cop to let him go, explaining that he was trying to buy groceries before the store closed.
The cop let him go, without a warning.
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