A few weeks ago I agreed to take on my most perilous assignment yet: review Outback Steakhouse’s Loaded Bloomin’ Onion for the Washington Free Beacon. With little help from my family, I hardly made a dent. I did receive loads of feedback, though I never really got around to reviewing the appetizer itself.
So how was it? If you peel away the hype (okay, I’ll stop now), the addition of fries draws attention away from the star of the show, those legendary deep-fried onion straws. It’s a novel idea, combining the Outback’s two most popular starters (the Bloomin’ Onion and cheesy Aussie fries), but in retrospect, I’m not so sure these two were meant to be with each other. This is probably why it’s offered only for a limited time. So consider it a short-term relationship, like Elisabeth Shue and Nicholas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas—decadence and destruction on one plate.
Like the original, the Loaded Bloomin’ Onion has a short shelf-life. It’s best eaten when still hot, firm, and glistening. Toward the end of its lifecycle, everything starts to congeal, sag, and drip. Yes, it’s a metaphor for life. But as I mention in the review, the Loaded Bloomin’ Onion is intended to be a team effort. With six people, everyone enjoys a little with a lot of flavor.
Two final thoughts:
What if the Bloomin’ Onion came without fries but with the cheesy sauce and bits of bacon? Wouldn’t that be a worthy addition to the menu? You’d be able to rationalize your order by thinking, At least there are no fries—I mean, I’m no animal!
And how audacious would it have been if the Loaded Bloomin Onion had been marketed as “OUTBACK UNVEILS TWO-VEGETABLE COMBO APP!”?
