“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen”
1 out of 5 Stars
Stars: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel
Director: Michael Bay
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi action violence, language, some crude and sexual material, and brief drug material.
Running Time: 147 minutes
Unless you care about computer-generated destruction and that other impossible special effect — Megan Fox’s hotness — “Revenge” is a dish best not served at all. The second installment of the 1980s toy-inspired movie franchise, “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen,” mechanically extends the already strained myth of warring vehicles-turned-action figures who come from outer space to kill each other here.
But when it comes to giant, stiff aliens delivering bad dialogue, the steely contraptions have nothing on their Hollywood counterparts. Except for occasional flashes of spectacle in the numerous fight scenes of the 2 1/2-hour slog, no entity in this loud, violent and silly earnestness provides anything close to suspense or emotion. It’s strictly heavy metal, again brought to you by Hasbro and that infamous purveyor of extravagant schlock, director Michael Bay.
The Steven Spielberg-produced property, with a screenplay credited to Ehren Kruger, Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, brings back the gang that made the first chapter a international box office sensation. Apparently, moviegoers — or at least adolescent-minded guys with too much disposable income — want another adventure in which an adolescent guy plays with/fends off metallic beasties before he saves Earth.
When he’s packing to go to college, Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) finds a sliver of the magic “All Spark” cube from the 2007 film. Before he can enjoy his first drinking binge, it has given him secret knowledge that the bad guy Decepticons robots want. Sam will be aided in thwarting them by Optimus Prime, leader of the good guy Autobot robots, along with the returning human cast members: Fox as Shia’s bodacious love interest, U.S. military heroes Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson, and the supposed comic relief character of the paranoid ex-government spook played by John Turturro
Starting in 17,000 B.C. (!!!), the story is a forced, confusing mess involving the re-animating powers of two separate shards of the All Spark and another thingamabob called the “matrix.” (No, not that Matrix.)
The pursuit of them moves from L.A. to New England to Egypt with a stop of local interest at the Chantilly, Virginia annex of the Smithsonian’s National Air and Space Museum. It’s SR-71 Blackbird, the 20th century strategic reconnaissance aircraft, converts into the wise old transformer Jetfire.
He’s cool and all. But it’s still Ms. Fox’ shifting shape in tight shortie-shorts that will be the biggest attraction for the male target audience of any “Transformers.”
