An Extraordinary Selection

The worst stage performance I ever saw was If Then, an off-Broadway production about hip young adults, standing around, wearing leather satchels, drinking coffee, and singing loudly about big life decisions. Besides having an irritating syllogistic title that wouldn’t allow you to forget your own poor decision (“If you see If Then, then you will regret it”), the musical’s most memorable failure was its shrill, microphone-blaring-in-your-ear messaging. If Then falsely believed it had something important to say, and wouldn’t shut up about it.