Former Tallahassee Mayor Andrew Gillum opened up for the first time about his stint in rehab and therapy following a drunken episode at a Miami hotel in March.
Gillum, a Democrat who narrowly lost the Florida gubernatorial race in 2018, posted an 11-minute video to Instagram on Monday, updating his followers about his time in rehab where he received treatment for alcoholism, a condition from which his father also suffered. Gillum said that he did not realize how difficult his election loss was in 2018 as he began to struggle with depression.
“I had totally underestimated the impact that losing the race for governor had had on my life and on the way that those impacts started to show up in every aspect of my life,” he said. “I didn’t want to talk emotionally or very deeply about what had happened in the race for governor because it was a constant reminder of failure and my own personal failures.”
“It was a reminder that I had let so many people down. It was a chorus of this voice that I tried for so long to quit that said that I wasn’t enough. That I wasn’t good enough. All the things that I wanted to suppress and numb and forget about. That depression around what I was experiencing, there became far too much for me to keep down,” he added.
Gillum was listed on a police report in March as having been in a hotel room where Travis Dyson, a male escort, was believed to have suffered an overdose after using crystal meth. The former mayor said the incident caused him great shame.
“My stuff had to be public and cause great embarrassment, and lots of rumors, some false, some true, the shame that I felt from all of that from the harm that I had caused was tearing me up,” he said. “I needed real help to try to unpack that.”
Gillum urged others to seek help if they are struggling with depression. He also thanked his wife, R. Jai Gillum, for standing by his side over the last year.
“She chooses to love me anyhow,” he said of his wife. “A woman who is literally God’s grace on earth. The epitome of grace. I can’t thank her enough for not just standing by me but encouraging me through this.”
Gillum noted that he has been writing since stepping away from public life. He said it has been a “tough moment” for him to be on the sidelines as nationwide protests take place and the coronavirus pandemic continues to sweep through the country.
“I want you to know that, although I can’t be what I’d love to be for you and for myself and for my community at this time, I hope you know that I couldn’t be those things because I couldn’t be what I needed to be for me first,” he said.
